If you are reading this CONGRATULATIONS! We are both still alive!
I got some great news, and I got some not so great news.
Remember all that work I put in doing those jobs that kept me up at all hours for the past couple of years? The work paid off and I'm now living out a dream in Los Angeles pursuing acting with a focus on TV, film, and voice-over work.
Sounds expensive? It was! All it cost me was lots of sleep and damn near all the progress I made shedding body fat. This explains my absence from this blog. There are plenty of others on the path that continue to pack on pounds they once lost while they continue writing in some sort of attempt to convince themselves that their negligence is healthy but that ain't who I am.
Yes, the Reverend of the fireball ministry of fat burning scheduled too many ice cream socials instead of praying the work and singing the gospel of the steel. I failed myself in order to advance other aspects of my life.
How did I fail? I never fully understood that all that anger and self loathing could only carry me so far. The inability to love myself completely was the true weight I was carrying and it became too heavy to hold so I let go to chase an even more seemingly impossible dream of getting to Hollywood. Well, I'm out here and now I have to shift my focus back to my health or quite frankly I'll probably die way too young.
There are a lot of things in the works that I won't discuss as far as the opportunities I've opened myself to by moving to L,A, In order for me to truly rise to the occasion I need to become better suited to deal with life on the physical plane.
What I'm trying to say is that this weight has to go back down and FAST. Last month my BP meds needed to have the dosage doubled and I'm experiencing the onset of the physical ailments such as Meralgia Paresthetica and fibromyalgia that make it excruciating to get out of a chair, stand, and even walk at times. So much so that I often pay upwards of $30 to park closer to work because it physically hurts too damn much to walk a few blocks to my car after working all night. Financially I can't keep doing this but physically I don't have much other choice at the present.
Over a week ago I bought myself a 2-year pass to 24 Hour Fitness with the Super Sport option because I have to get back in a pool in order to relieve some of the pressure on the nerve that causes my thigh to feel as if it's being electrocuted by a flaming cattle prod.
After reconnecting with an old friend who faced the same struggles and finally found success by heading to Mexico to get the Gastric Sleeve procedure done, I am seriously considering the option because even if I could muster the crazy discipline I once had I'm not so sure I can make the weight go away quick enough on my own with my present condition.
Financially I can do this out of pocket but I'm concerned about my job because this will also put a strain on my current employment situation with the 2 weeks needed to have the procedure and recover at a time when more is being asked of my current position.
While the success rate is high it's still a major surgical procedure and there's always the risk of other complications. Right now the biggest thing on my scale is the weighing of the option to undergo or not to undergo. My ego is over the whole pride thing of needing medical assistance to overcome obesity. I'm happier than I've ever been in so many respects and I'd like to live long enough to enjoy what life I have left. Decide I must.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Sunday, January 4, 2015
The Hardest Part Of This Game
You really want to know what is the hardest thing about a transformation? I'll tell you. It's NOT the physical. Nope. Being sore, tired, bruised, scraped, and everything else that comes with the territory is to me somewhat fun. These physical triggers remind me that I am in transition.
Is it the emotional? Somewhat. At the core there are a LOT of emotions that surface as you change. As you transform its important to transform how and why you deal with them the way you do.
Behind those physical and emotional growing pains are the mental aspects of changing. These I'm finding are the toughest.
Why? Because on the physical end I've been beaten, bruised, sore, and exhausted before and I know I eventually recover and become stronger.
The same can be said about the emotional state with the caveat that I, at times, wall myself in when wounded. If I make an effort I do so with everything behind it. In love, it has never played out without a bitter end but I still maintain that I'd rather give it everything than regret telling myself that I should've done or said more. I know, I'm a fool.
Mentally I get preoccupied with those past emotional wounds and it at times it impedes my drive.
Today I found the anger again and let it push me. These are the happy moments, true believers. 50 minutes of running and Muay Thai knee lifts through 4 feet of water. Core engaged and exhaling on the knee lift. I am fire.
In other news I bought a new jacket and new pair of jeans to fill the gap of sizes my wardrobe is missing back on the way down. Jacket replaces the one I bought in fall which is getting too big. It's snug but won't be for long. Take the small victories angrily and seize the big victories with a vengeance. My 4th cousin Elvis had a 68' comeback special, now I want mine.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Playing The Numbers Game
True Believers!
You may be saying "hey, that Arsehole said he'd write two weeks ago and vanished, he probably fell off again" and you'd be slightly correct.
Where was I last Wednesday? After a particularly tiring workout I finished up some business, took a brief nap, and got some amazing Thai food; all of which fell within the mission parameters and daily nutritional bounds. My company for the evening was also far more rad than anyone reading this. No offense but I barely know you, right? Then I went to work. Bottom line- I didn't take time to sit down and write because life was more interesting.
In the time away from the blog I was contemplating something very specific: my numbers. What numbers? The BIG number on the scale, BP, lipids, etc, etc, etc. The scale being the biggest.
I then remembered something about what drove me to failure: the numbers! The one on the scale being the biggest.
When I started nearly three years ago I plotted certain drop points in weight on a calendar for the following year. My first six or so months I crushed these goals and re-adjusted based upon an incredible amount of progress. In essence I was plotting my failure because to call these numbers ambitious would be an understatement. These numbers were NOT AT ALL realistic! With every drop point missed I became more and more frustrated and would add those missed pounds to the next drop date. Don't ask me what in the heck I was thinking because looking back on this I realize that it was ludicrous.
Early success isn't as hard as you may thing when trying to lose weight. Fad and crash "diets" prey upon the natural success that comes when you simply clean up your nutrition. Many experience great successes in the period of 30-90 days they commit to a new regiment. I, being the Gamma-infused mutant star-child that I am, happened to experience the type of results that appear in the disclaimer of such "miracle" health products...you know the tag line that says "results not typical" kind of results? Sadly, I could only keep it up for about a period of ten months.
Alright dude, cut the crap and give us the numbers!
Numbers you want? Numbers you shall get! But not just yet...or how you would expect them.
164.
This plus an undetermined amount of at least 15lbs was what I lost. Over the course of my shutting down I regained 86lbs. Over HALF of my MfN bust-ass work GONE and I'm more than a bit hot about it!
Instead of focusing on this and letting it further defeat me I have opted to choose an ant-like approach of simply focusing on my daily rituals of eating better, sleeping better, and keeping a positive mental attitude. Although I'm not a fan of 12-step programs I can say that there is some zen about taking things one day, and one task at a time.
In just over a month I've maintained these rituals diligently. I'm not going to give you a number of what I have dropped but I will tell you that the number is again not typical. The pants that were almost too tight are now sliding off my ass frequently. The energy levels that were gone are returning with great vengeance and furious anger. I feel a calm confidence that I can't recall ever having. The rituals formed habits which have guided my will when it becomes weak. I'm setting myself up to succeed for the long haul this time.
Make no mistake about it, I am still as competitive as it gets and I have set some goals which others may view as unrealistic. The difference now is that I have tempered these goals with the experience of my prior set backs and I have a much greater understanding of "why" I fell off course.
As for the other numbers...the battery of blood work will be given in March because I will have a better frame of reference in relation to my nutrition, sleep, and stress levels when I started and have three different sets of data to compare. This will give anyone interested a much better idea of how a body can change.
I'll be writing one more entry between Crimmus and the new year. Look for it probably on December 26 because that is the anniversary of when this journey started. After that we'll go twice a month because life is more interesting than listening to me type my own thoughts.
And to my trainer, Jess, you suck. I mean that in the best possible way. Laundry after leg day hasn't hurt this much in forever! Farmers walks with giant laundry bags up two flights of stairs will now require better scheduling.
Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
J.W.
You may be saying "hey, that Arsehole said he'd write two weeks ago and vanished, he probably fell off again" and you'd be slightly correct.
Where was I last Wednesday? After a particularly tiring workout I finished up some business, took a brief nap, and got some amazing Thai food; all of which fell within the mission parameters and daily nutritional bounds. My company for the evening was also far more rad than anyone reading this. No offense but I barely know you, right? Then I went to work. Bottom line- I didn't take time to sit down and write because life was more interesting.
In the time away from the blog I was contemplating something very specific: my numbers. What numbers? The BIG number on the scale, BP, lipids, etc, etc, etc. The scale being the biggest.
I then remembered something about what drove me to failure: the numbers! The one on the scale being the biggest.
When I started nearly three years ago I plotted certain drop points in weight on a calendar for the following year. My first six or so months I crushed these goals and re-adjusted based upon an incredible amount of progress. In essence I was plotting my failure because to call these numbers ambitious would be an understatement. These numbers were NOT AT ALL realistic! With every drop point missed I became more and more frustrated and would add those missed pounds to the next drop date. Don't ask me what in the heck I was thinking because looking back on this I realize that it was ludicrous.
Early success isn't as hard as you may thing when trying to lose weight. Fad and crash "diets" prey upon the natural success that comes when you simply clean up your nutrition. Many experience great successes in the period of 30-90 days they commit to a new regiment. I, being the Gamma-infused mutant star-child that I am, happened to experience the type of results that appear in the disclaimer of such "miracle" health products...you know the tag line that says "results not typical" kind of results? Sadly, I could only keep it up for about a period of ten months.
Alright dude, cut the crap and give us the numbers!
Numbers you want? Numbers you shall get! But not just yet...or how you would expect them.
164.
This plus an undetermined amount of at least 15lbs was what I lost. Over the course of my shutting down I regained 86lbs. Over HALF of my MfN bust-ass work GONE and I'm more than a bit hot about it!
Instead of focusing on this and letting it further defeat me I have opted to choose an ant-like approach of simply focusing on my daily rituals of eating better, sleeping better, and keeping a positive mental attitude. Although I'm not a fan of 12-step programs I can say that there is some zen about taking things one day, and one task at a time.
In just over a month I've maintained these rituals diligently. I'm not going to give you a number of what I have dropped but I will tell you that the number is again not typical. The pants that were almost too tight are now sliding off my ass frequently. The energy levels that were gone are returning with great vengeance and furious anger. I feel a calm confidence that I can't recall ever having. The rituals formed habits which have guided my will when it becomes weak. I'm setting myself up to succeed for the long haul this time.
Make no mistake about it, I am still as competitive as it gets and I have set some goals which others may view as unrealistic. The difference now is that I have tempered these goals with the experience of my prior set backs and I have a much greater understanding of "why" I fell off course.
As for the other numbers...the battery of blood work will be given in March because I will have a better frame of reference in relation to my nutrition, sleep, and stress levels when I started and have three different sets of data to compare. This will give anyone interested a much better idea of how a body can change.
I'll be writing one more entry between Crimmus and the new year. Look for it probably on December 26 because that is the anniversary of when this journey started. After that we'll go twice a month because life is more interesting than listening to me type my own thoughts.
And to my trainer, Jess, you suck. I mean that in the best possible way. Laundry after leg day hasn't hurt this much in forever! Farmers walks with giant laundry bags up two flights of stairs will now require better scheduling.
Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
J.W.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Too Busy For Excuses?
True Believers! You may ask where I was last week with this blog and I have a valid answer. I was taking a nap instead of writing. Let me tell you it was GLORIOUS. After a solid workout I chose to nap instead of write and who wants to read about that?
One of the biggest components missing in my mission to weight loss, health, and overall wellness was SLEEP. In the past I have been critical of people who use the "I'm too busty working to eat better and exercise" excuse. Around six months ago I fell into that category due to my growing wedding side business.
My day job is actually a night job - I bake sweets and breads of all kinds for a company that shall remain nameless. Why on earth would someone with a sugar addiction put themselves in a position of such awful temptation? It was and is a transitional position but aside from that it isn't a great choice if you are a "chunkie", which shall henceforth be the slang for sugar junkie/fat kid/junk food addict.
If that position were my only job I could probably swing the lifestyle. You find a pattern and adjust. the problem is that on top of being full-time on third shift I am juggling what has turned out to be a rapidly growing wedding business. So here is my excuse: from May-October I was working between 50-70 hours a week between a Sunday through Thursday third shift where I would kick over to first shift intermittently for client meetings and a Friday-Sunday first shift that would often find me sleeping 3-4 hours on Friday and Sunday. From August 17 to October 28 I had only THREE days off!!!
This lack of sleep and preparedness on top of being surrounded by sweets all night coupled with my falling off track the year prior contributed to putting on 70 pounds. Nearly half of my big loss was replaced. Now let me ask you this: Why would you read a weight loss blog about a dude that is gaining weight?
Oh, HELL NO! Uh-uh. It ain't me, babe. My life ain't that interesting and I ain't so convoluted to believe that I'm still in the game when I'm not even suited up, much less riding the bench. I left a lifestyle of awesomeness and retreated further into the blur of isolation third shift can create. If I ain't walking the walk then I damn sure ain't talking the talk. Let that be a lesson to some of you. Yes, you can fake it til you make it but just how long are you willing to delude yourself as a writer?
Did any good come from this? YES! I was able to win a coveted "Best Of Weddings 2015" award in my rookie season as a vendor on The Knot! Big thanks again to all my amazing couples. What I was also able to do is sock away enough money to hire a damn good personal trainer who has accomplished what I want to accomplish. She walks the walk and has already walked in my shoes with her own weight loss battle so I feel comfortable working with her in my current state.
There was another great thing that came about from all this, too. In this melee of work I came to a greater mastery of time. Baking mass quantities demands rigorous time management as does maintaining the needs of my clients. My life revolved around a never-ending series of timers that had to be juggled constantly.
This spilled over into my sleep pattern. My phone was always on and slept beside me in bed along with a mountain of clean laundry that never got put away. This led to me checking my email constantly and responding at all hours. I burned myself out but learned a valuable lesson: proper rest is imperative.
Stress induces cortisol production. That wiki link will get you hip to what it's all about. Everything that seemed to be going wrong physically and mentally directly correlated to my levels being through the roof! So in short order I didn't get all gung-ho in getting back on my path by knocking out miles upon miles of walking every day or going all-out in the gym and risking injury which would have fed into the negative cycle, I started with one of the easiest things posssible: sleep.
Amid the tornado of work my humble abode became a wreck. For some of you who know me you aren't surprised as I am not always the neatest person in the world and lean toward the pile method of organization in my personal life. The first two rooms to get in working order were my bedroom, it's not as exciting as it sounds but I will remind you that I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany, and my kitchen. I digress...
My time is winding down so short order I will say this- find whatever it is that you are making excuses about and systematically eliminate these things starting with the easiest. You may find that once you start this process many of the issues will simultaneously begin to resolve. You CAN DO THIS!
Join me next Wenesday, December 3, 2015 and I'll give you the low down on what went down at my doctor visit last week.
Ever forward, one step beyond!
J.W.
One of the biggest components missing in my mission to weight loss, health, and overall wellness was SLEEP. In the past I have been critical of people who use the "I'm too busty working to eat better and exercise" excuse. Around six months ago I fell into that category due to my growing wedding side business.
My day job is actually a night job - I bake sweets and breads of all kinds for a company that shall remain nameless. Why on earth would someone with a sugar addiction put themselves in a position of such awful temptation? It was and is a transitional position but aside from that it isn't a great choice if you are a "chunkie", which shall henceforth be the slang for sugar junkie/fat kid/junk food addict.
If that position were my only job I could probably swing the lifestyle. You find a pattern and adjust. the problem is that on top of being full-time on third shift I am juggling what has turned out to be a rapidly growing wedding business. So here is my excuse: from May-October I was working between 50-70 hours a week between a Sunday through Thursday third shift where I would kick over to first shift intermittently for client meetings and a Friday-Sunday first shift that would often find me sleeping 3-4 hours on Friday and Sunday. From August 17 to October 28 I had only THREE days off!!!
This lack of sleep and preparedness on top of being surrounded by sweets all night coupled with my falling off track the year prior contributed to putting on 70 pounds. Nearly half of my big loss was replaced. Now let me ask you this: Why would you read a weight loss blog about a dude that is gaining weight?
Oh, HELL NO! Uh-uh. It ain't me, babe. My life ain't that interesting and I ain't so convoluted to believe that I'm still in the game when I'm not even suited up, much less riding the bench. I left a lifestyle of awesomeness and retreated further into the blur of isolation third shift can create. If I ain't walking the walk then I damn sure ain't talking the talk. Let that be a lesson to some of you. Yes, you can fake it til you make it but just how long are you willing to delude yourself as a writer?
Did any good come from this? YES! I was able to win a coveted "Best Of Weddings 2015" award in my rookie season as a vendor on The Knot! Big thanks again to all my amazing couples. What I was also able to do is sock away enough money to hire a damn good personal trainer who has accomplished what I want to accomplish. She walks the walk and has already walked in my shoes with her own weight loss battle so I feel comfortable working with her in my current state.
There was another great thing that came about from all this, too. In this melee of work I came to a greater mastery of time. Baking mass quantities demands rigorous time management as does maintaining the needs of my clients. My life revolved around a never-ending series of timers that had to be juggled constantly.
This spilled over into my sleep pattern. My phone was always on and slept beside me in bed along with a mountain of clean laundry that never got put away. This led to me checking my email constantly and responding at all hours. I burned myself out but learned a valuable lesson: proper rest is imperative.
Stress induces cortisol production. That wiki link will get you hip to what it's all about. Everything that seemed to be going wrong physically and mentally directly correlated to my levels being through the roof! So in short order I didn't get all gung-ho in getting back on my path by knocking out miles upon miles of walking every day or going all-out in the gym and risking injury which would have fed into the negative cycle, I started with one of the easiest things posssible: sleep.
Amid the tornado of work my humble abode became a wreck. For some of you who know me you aren't surprised as I am not always the neatest person in the world and lean toward the pile method of organization in my personal life. The first two rooms to get in working order were my bedroom, it's not as exciting as it sounds but I will remind you that I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany, and my kitchen. I digress...
My time is winding down so short order I will say this- find whatever it is that you are making excuses about and systematically eliminate these things starting with the easiest. You may find that once you start this process many of the issues will simultaneously begin to resolve. You CAN DO THIS!
Join me next Wenesday, December 3, 2015 and I'll give you the low down on what went down at my doctor visit last week.
Ever forward, one step beyond!
J.W.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
The Mission Statement: First Steps In Overcoming Astronomical Odds
True Believers!
Today celebrates an epic historical event - European Space Agency scientists managed to land a spacecraft on a moving comet! CNN.com reported that "Rosetta took off from Earth 10 years ago carrying Philae and traveled 6.4 billion miles before arriving in early August at the comet."
Imagine the failure that team overcame to accomplish such a mission! Imagine the determination and persistence needed to accomplish such an amazing task!
It all started with a goal and a mission statement.
In an effort to make sense of all my nonsense and forge ahead in getting back on a path to wellness, I'm currently reading a book called The Undefeated Mind by Alex Lickerman, MD. In the second chapter he writes about having a mission. To loosely paraphrase a major revelation he touches upon he reminds us that strategies fail whereas missions do not.
When I was entering into the field of teaching one of the things we had to do was create a strong mission statement. While recently going through some documents from those days I rediscovered my teaching mission statement. After reading it I was struck by the thought that I once succeeded, albeit briefly, in a very tough career.
Why can't I apply that knowledge to thine own self and succeed again? No reason beyond excuses.
So what I'd like to present to you is my Health & Wellness Mission Statement. This is a living document and is subject to change but as of now this is definitely a great start for the journey ahead!
Today celebrates an epic historical event - European Space Agency scientists managed to land a spacecraft on a moving comet! CNN.com reported that "Rosetta took off from Earth 10 years ago carrying Philae and traveled 6.4 billion miles before arriving in early August at the comet."
Imagine the failure that team overcame to accomplish such a mission! Imagine the determination and persistence needed to accomplish such an amazing task!
It all started with a goal and a mission statement.
In an effort to make sense of all my nonsense and forge ahead in getting back on a path to wellness, I'm currently reading a book called The Undefeated Mind by Alex Lickerman, MD. In the second chapter he writes about having a mission. To loosely paraphrase a major revelation he touches upon he reminds us that strategies fail whereas missions do not.
When I was entering into the field of teaching one of the things we had to do was create a strong mission statement. While recently going through some documents from those days I rediscovered my teaching mission statement. After reading it I was struck by the thought that I once succeeded, albeit briefly, in a very tough career.
Why can't I apply that knowledge to thine own self and succeed again? No reason beyond excuses.
So what I'd like to present to you is my Health & Wellness Mission Statement. This is a living document and is subject to change but as of now this is definitely a great start for the journey ahead!
J.W. Savage
11-November-2014
My Health & Wellness Mission
I will utilize every resource available and strive to create
new resources to provide myself with the opportunities for a greater health and
wellness. I will create opportunities for my success and foster my own self
confidence when I face failure. With great compassion and understanding I will
do everything possible to meet and exceed my personal goals in life.
I will cultivate positive relationships with all friends and
colleagues who share a passion for health & wellness.
I will continue my education, personal,
and professional development throughout the entirety of my life for the benefit
of my family, my community, and myself.
I will maintain a positive mental attitude. A positive and
realistic attitude is conducive to greater health & wellness. Self-esteem
grows with success. Proper time management, organization, and daily ritual all
greatly affect progress that contributes to success.
I am worth the investment of the time it takes to improve. The
value of improved health and wellness reaches into all areas of life.
Achievement greater health & wellness is possible for all who decide to
make the change. Successful weight management builds confidence!
I will strive to be happy! Happiness is the ultimate
expression of what one has learned and implemented regarding their health &
wellness. Being happy demands continuous positively reinforced self-evaluation;
negative self-talk must be removed.
The same attitudes that are conducive to successful physical
training apply to life. Beyond believing in your own self efficacy, you must believe
that you want to be a better version of yourself. Appropriate planning and
flexibility are essential to good training. Clearly defining rules and nutritional
expectations is essential. Consistency in management and discipline of food
intake is crucial for success in physical training.
I will work outside of my comfort zone for the sake of self-improvement.
The path to greater health & wellness should include a wide variety of
methods so long as they are effective in achieving the goals set forth.
Whenever possible, examples of successes and failures should be introduced with
new concepts. This provides a concrete representation for concepts of an
abstract nature that may be outside the immediate realm of experience and
demonstrates how to properly implement these methods while providing indicators
of how these concepts are being used improperly.
I will master the science of nutrition as I master my life. The
science of nutrition is the primary foundation upon which the success of
greater health & wellness must be built. The aim of proper nutrition is to fuel
physical activity. The kitchen should be the primary gym. All workouts should
begin with proper nutrition.
I will plan and prepare according to my desired goals to
achieve the desired results. Eating properly for better health & wellness
demands persistence and preparation - nutritional exploration does not always
yield desired results as our bodies are complex biomechanical machines that
depend on maintaining hormonal balances. These balances are delicate and
require time to adjust. Through science we gain a greater appreciation for the
practicality of nutrition and how it affects us physically and mentally. The
synthesis of both nutrition and physical activity are an essential part of a
lifestyle that promotes greater health & wellness.
I will provide myself with adequate sleep and rest. A lack
of sleep leads to a breakdown in the circadian rhythm that allows the body to
function at an optimal level.
I will seek out new and positive people, places, and habits
that support my mission.
I will succeed in carrying out my mission like my life
depends upon it because it does.
My goal is to share
knowledge and continue the process of lifelong self-improvement. While working
towards this goal I hope to inspire as many as possible to continue to grow and
prosper!
- - - - - - -- - - - -- - - --- -
Until next week, Keep moving forward, one step beyond!
JW
Friday, November 7, 2014
Ironing It All Out And Airing My Dirty Laundry
True believers!
Pardon my brevity but I'm multiple-tasking through a mountain of laundry. This is unedited so forgive my trespasses.
I'm assembling my personal success team as I type. My personal trainer/coach has been selected! I've scheduled an appointment with my physician next week for battery of blood tests and a 6 month check up that is sure to include the look and the talk as to why the number on the scale ain't dropping. And with the impending doom of NE Ohio winter coming on I have scheduled counseling to begin next week.
Personally I'm not a fan of psych type therapy but I know how doom and gloom I get in the winter and I know what I need to do means stepping outside my comfort zone. While I'm aware of many of the triggers that set off cravings I think it'll be good to attempt to get to the baselines of said triggers and reprogram them. There are a few things that plague many of us that I need to sort out privately as well so this feels like a step in the right direction.
What I need from you are some health related/fat loss topics you may want to read about. I'll only address things from a scientific standpoint so no pseudoscience or snake oil stuff unless you want me to dig into misconceptions, destroy the myth, and clarify.
So, what are some things that YOU are curious about in your own journeys toward better health?
My approach has been lackadaisical in writing here and I'm scheduling topics this weekend for the next six consecutive weeks. Wednesday will still be our day for posts and I'll have them out by mid day.
So, in short order, we will be back to a more structured blog. This also means we, presuming that you'll join me, will be back to a better organized approach to nixing our excuses and moving toward greater versions of ourselves!
Until next time have an awesome weekend and keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
The Principle of Uncertainty: How To Be Something You Are Not
Sometimes in the hours before daylight I get a taste for nostalgia -- the lingering woe of being unsatisfied with who I am and unsure of what I am to become gets overrun by the thought of what I used to be.
There is no consolation in these hours because change is so unsettling, everyone knows who I was, few know who I am, and despite my temporary uncertainty only I know who I want to be.
The old number, the current number, and the goal number. A life somewhere in between that hangs in the delicate balance of how these numbers transition on the scale. Another weigh in where nothing has changed.
The appearance of comfort manifests in the sights, smells, and tastes of the familiar. Especially the tastes!
As daylight approaches you begin to realize that everything you reach for in the past is no longer there and everything you long for in the future is just out of reach. The only thing tangible is the one thing you deny: the present state of being.
The closest straw to grasp that leads you to believe you are in the present is all too often the one you just left behind. Why? Because you know exactly where you left it.
These are the moments that you must master being something you are not: absolutely certain.
Know who you want to be and hold to that image.
Obstacles aren't overcome lest ye have passion.
There is no consolation in these hours because change is so unsettling, everyone knows who I was, few know who I am, and despite my temporary uncertainty only I know who I want to be.
The old number, the current number, and the goal number. A life somewhere in between that hangs in the delicate balance of how these numbers transition on the scale. Another weigh in where nothing has changed.
The appearance of comfort manifests in the sights, smells, and tastes of the familiar. Especially the tastes!
As daylight approaches you begin to realize that everything you reach for in the past is no longer there and everything you long for in the future is just out of reach. The only thing tangible is the one thing you deny: the present state of being.
The closest straw to grasp that leads you to believe you are in the present is all too often the one you just left behind. Why? Because you know exactly where you left it.
These are the moments that you must master being something you are not: absolutely certain.
Know who you want to be and hold to that image.
Obstacles aren't overcome lest ye have passion.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
A Vision of Change
Change can be so unclear at times. In the back of my mind I
can see what and who it is I want to become. Sometimes that vision is a bit
blurred by the lens of whom or what I thought I was or whom or what I think
that I am. In the brevity of moments on “good” days that vision crystalline
clear. You see, once that image becomes clear my mind’s eye begins to well with
tears that distort that image.
Sometimes the tears are of anger from the knowing that I've
taken myself further away from that vision, and sometimes, but not often
enough, the tears are of the joy that comes from knowing that I am inching
slowly toward the becoming.
Sometimes I’m not alone in this vision, there is someone
else standing at my side. And sometimes the tears come from knowing that this
is not the reality in which I exist.
The thing about sometimes is that it lies somewhere between
now and then - which is not a place
anyone should linger if they hope to ever find the clarity of whom and what
they are, and whom it is that is actually beside them overcoming their own
tears.
A real change doesn't happen sometimes, it happens now, which
is a point and time beyond tears where you see and accept yourself becoming who
and what it is that you hope to be.
Monday, August 12, 2013
In Search of Zen
For the first time since I cannot remember, my bed is cleared of all laundry and properly made up. Depression manifests for me in clutter and the winter blues followed by my nephew's suicide beat me down hard. To some affect the latter is still taking a toll. 
As the Warrior Dash approached my depression grew; I wanted to run it with my nephew and that was no longer possible. The negative mindset manifested this week and I slipped in the locker room after a pool session and smacked my knee, which wrenched under me, into the tile. With a knot the size of a goose egg and no medical insurance, there was no way in hell I was going to attempt to run it.
Every mile I didn't run this summer was too easily soothed by junk food -- specifically cupcakes. The positive reinforcement wheel was busted. Grief followed by binges of junk led to physically feeling like hell again. This just kept on cycling until I finally started to feel like I wanted to physically feel healthy again. Which I do. A solid 14lbs were put back on since April and I'm a bit pissed at myself. Mad enough to do something about it.
We're slowly starting to have more good days than bad; I broke down and cleaned my kitchen first and finally started using it again. As simple as my culinary skills may be, I find it cathartic to prep more than baggies of protein powder. Clean up still sucks but I'm developing a habit of washing dishes and utensils immediately. Mr. Mess oddly finds his shiny and clean stainless steel sink pleasing.
This is a good sign. For months there were things you ought not have to witness going on in that sink. I spotted a miniature Sleestak colony forming in there and fled for higher ground.
Organization has always been an area in my life that needs improvement so I enlisted a friend to help. I will tell you that if you suck at something, seek out someone who doesn't suck at that something and get help. Knowing your strengths and outsourcing your weaknesses is good for this business of life.
The large closet is now dubbed the Little Room studio/office/treasure room. Desk, most comics and collectibles, and office crap is almost all in. This is the first blog transmitting from the new room, it's quite cozy in here! Now I gotta shuffle the other stuff where? Ah, apartment life!
After a year and a half I'm finally unpacking from the debacle in Louisville which included a move home to deal with Pop's coma and subsequent passing.
Most of my life I've felt like a leaf being spun about in the wind but I think I'll settle a spell here by the water and make this place a home...for now. Wedding contracts for summer 2014 are already starting to roll in :) And my site should launch hopefully before my birthday.
I'll be writing soon about a friend who has done AMAZING since our first reality show casting call so stay tuned.
Until next time- keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
Thursday, July 18, 2013
American Nightmare, Runnin' Scared: Couch to 5K to Couch
True Believers,
Two months ago I "started" with the Couch to 5K app. In order to see what the program was like I opted to use the free version. The following is an account of my experience focusing on day one and where I am currently.
The weather was nearly perfect so I decided to get in some cardio while visiting my Mum in the Shire. When I dropped weight back in 2001-2002, regular walks were a part of my ritual and the country roads near my parents house were a great escape.Minus the bugs there were few issues to contend with and the time near the trees was more uplifting than hitting a track.
When time and energy weren't an issue, I'd also take relatively short cruises on my bike back then. Minimal traffic made conditions safe and usually the hills were the worst part. Bored with my usuall route, I opted one day for a straighter, more level path in hopes of getting in some additional distance. The choice ended up elevating my heart rate quite a bit more than anticipated!
One thing about country living is that it is relativiely care free. There is plenty of space and the noise of the city gets replaced by peace and quiet. With all that room to roam people often let there dogs loose on their property. The huffing of a fat man on a bike is a welcoming sound to doggies who are bored and protective.
On my bike ride I heard the chorus of the hounds kick in. Since I could tell by the tone that they were hounds I figured that they were probably chained since most hunters fear losing their prized hunting partners. I was wrong in this case.
As I cleared the tree line I could see the house setting back off the road. The attached garage door was open and there was a car inside so I figured someone was home. As I looked closer I spotted two dogs slowly coming around the corner. I stopped and stared for a second then continued to pedal. And the game was on.
They immediately bolted after me! Even on a bike my fat arse isn't that fast so before they cleared the property I clumsily unsaddled from the bike. This didn't stop them so I stood behind my bike using it as a shield. They circled and growled as I continued this rediculous dance and wondered what my next step would be. They both began trying to aggresively approach from different sides and I was growing tired of the interaction. The usual commands were of no use, "Awww who's a good boy" baby talk wasn't working which sucks because I like dags.
I feared we were going to have to get slightly physical. About the time one was near breeching my personal space, the shirtless hilbilly that owned them yelled for them. Thanks, buddy! How long did you watch beforre you decided to yell? They retreated and so did I! Ne'er to tread tire again in the Shire.
Why tell that story about biking you ask? Because it relates directly to both my lack of memory and my first country run.
Usually when we are scared or threatened we remember the circumstances and do what we can to avoid them. Bored with my usual route, I opted for a more challenging path with some hills and new scenery in hopes of getting in some more distance...you see where this is going.
As I walked up the slight hill the Couch to 5K app timer was winding up the five minute warm up. Metallica's "Am I Evil" was just kicking in and I was totally stoked to kick off my first 30 second run interval! Passing the tree line, I started to experience an oddly familiar feeling. And then I heard a deep, much shorter, bark. This wasn't a hunting buddy hound, it was a gaurd dog. More specifically it was a very large Rottweiler. And he wasn't alone.
No sooner did the two dogs stand up and look did the Cto5K app chime with the lovely voice that said "run". Believe me, I've not wanted to run that much in YEARS! Knowing that doggies love the chase, I opted to switch sides of the road, pick up a small tree branch, and calmly walk back to whence I came. They didn't follow.
Unfortunately consistency didn't follow either. I'm way behind my training schedule for the Warrior Dash which is three weeks away. The following are my excuses: work, work, heat index, apathy, and a dislike for running.
I really wanted to run this race with my nephew who passed away in April but it's just not the same. The thought of doing a 5k obstacle run in this kind of heat and humidity we are experiencing also seems unappealing. I'm playing it by ear.
At least I'm on a two day streak of being cupcake free...pathetic, I know. 78 days without a donut. I'm working on a no substitutions policy to my sugar vices...
It's not the needle, it's the spoon that kills when you are a food addict. Time to stop forking myself over!
Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
Two months ago I "started" with the Couch to 5K app. In order to see what the program was like I opted to use the free version. The following is an account of my experience focusing on day one and where I am currently.
The weather was nearly perfect so I decided to get in some cardio while visiting my Mum in the Shire. When I dropped weight back in 2001-2002, regular walks were a part of my ritual and the country roads near my parents house were a great escape.Minus the bugs there were few issues to contend with and the time near the trees was more uplifting than hitting a track.
When time and energy weren't an issue, I'd also take relatively short cruises on my bike back then. Minimal traffic made conditions safe and usually the hills were the worst part. Bored with my usuall route, I opted one day for a straighter, more level path in hopes of getting in some additional distance. The choice ended up elevating my heart rate quite a bit more than anticipated!
One thing about country living is that it is relativiely care free. There is plenty of space and the noise of the city gets replaced by peace and quiet. With all that room to roam people often let there dogs loose on their property. The huffing of a fat man on a bike is a welcoming sound to doggies who are bored and protective.
On my bike ride I heard the chorus of the hounds kick in. Since I could tell by the tone that they were hounds I figured that they were probably chained since most hunters fear losing their prized hunting partners. I was wrong in this case.
As I cleared the tree line I could see the house setting back off the road. The attached garage door was open and there was a car inside so I figured someone was home. As I looked closer I spotted two dogs slowly coming around the corner. I stopped and stared for a second then continued to pedal. And the game was on.
They immediately bolted after me! Even on a bike my fat arse isn't that fast so before they cleared the property I clumsily unsaddled from the bike. This didn't stop them so I stood behind my bike using it as a shield. They circled and growled as I continued this rediculous dance and wondered what my next step would be. They both began trying to aggresively approach from different sides and I was growing tired of the interaction. The usual commands were of no use, "Awww who's a good boy" baby talk wasn't working which sucks because I like dags.
I feared we were going to have to get slightly physical. About the time one was near breeching my personal space, the shirtless hilbilly that owned them yelled for them. Thanks, buddy! How long did you watch beforre you decided to yell? They retreated and so did I! Ne'er to tread tire again in the Shire.
Why tell that story about biking you ask? Because it relates directly to both my lack of memory and my first country run.
Usually when we are scared or threatened we remember the circumstances and do what we can to avoid them. Bored with my usual route, I opted for a more challenging path with some hills and new scenery in hopes of getting in some more distance...you see where this is going.
As I walked up the slight hill the Couch to 5K app timer was winding up the five minute warm up. Metallica's "Am I Evil" was just kicking in and I was totally stoked to kick off my first 30 second run interval! Passing the tree line, I started to experience an oddly familiar feeling. And then I heard a deep, much shorter, bark. This wasn't a hunting buddy hound, it was a gaurd dog. More specifically it was a very large Rottweiler. And he wasn't alone.
No sooner did the two dogs stand up and look did the Cto5K app chime with the lovely voice that said "run". Believe me, I've not wanted to run that much in YEARS! Knowing that doggies love the chase, I opted to switch sides of the road, pick up a small tree branch, and calmly walk back to whence I came. They didn't follow.
Unfortunately consistency didn't follow either. I'm way behind my training schedule for the Warrior Dash which is three weeks away. The following are my excuses: work, work, heat index, apathy, and a dislike for running.
I really wanted to run this race with my nephew who passed away in April but it's just not the same. The thought of doing a 5k obstacle run in this kind of heat and humidity we are experiencing also seems unappealing. I'm playing it by ear.
At least I'm on a two day streak of being cupcake free...pathetic, I know. 78 days without a donut. I'm working on a no substitutions policy to my sugar vices...
It's not the needle, it's the spoon that kills when you are a food addict. Time to stop forking myself over!
Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
Monday, July 15, 2013
Missing: My Intensity
True Believers,
It took me a while to realize that the cause of my lack of progress in so many areas is due to my lack of belief in my own inner voice. Lately I've allowed that voice to be influenced by the comfort of past success.
Over the past six months I stopped listening to my inner Bobby Knight because frankly, compliments and praise are soothing to a false ego. Words became the new sugar.
This bled over into my nutrition. I stopped believing my situation and weight wasn't so bad. And while improvement was made, it still doesn't change the fact that my mass is unhealthy.
The new health habits that I embraced were shaken apart by a personal family tragedy and a financial setback. As the compliments soothed, so did unhealthy food.
The decision to advance out of debt by moving my business to the next level also limited funds, but the bottom line is that I quit on myself.
I started to believe that my goals and expectations in life were unrealistic. This extends to several other personal areas.
"Relax, be gentler about the process", "You can only do so much", "It won't hurt you to enjoy things a little". Bullshit. I call bullshit on that and the way I reacted.
My inner voice gave those demands for a reason -- I need to be pushed beyond my comfort levels! Complacency is a stagnate death. And lately I've been slowly dying.
Addicts are addicts because they cannot comprehend moderation. I am a sugar addict. The ban on donuts got replaced with multiple cupcake runs. Again, I am seeking comfort when what I need is strife.
My body changed because it was thrust into a position that was do or die. My mentality followed and so did progress.
My unfulfilled ego became sated with compliments and my desire faded. People always say that ego doesn't matter but I'm here to tell you it means everything.
When the ego is in check then all is well in my world-- all cylinders fire and compliment nor criticism mean anything more than the other. The harmony of the inner voice aligned with a clear vision of what must be done are the only thing you need.
This does not mean one should not seek wise council because you should absolutely seek wisdom from the masters.
When you become divided in your attention, the issue of clarity from within becomes suspect. The reason I got in this mess to begin with is because I failed to trust myself, and those who clearly saw through my own bullshit.
Due to personal resins I dropped my mantra of "Private Pyle must die". Now, along with my sorely missed inner fire, I'm picking it back up with a vengeance.
And I welcome, with humility, the challenge by any that said it couldn't be done, knowing that much of the work is done in quiet solitude without any ego stroke.
Private Pyle must die a swift death. And to the mythical red-haired girl -- you ain't as far out of my reach as everyone seems to think.
Plant the seeds, water and nurture them, but understand that growth is stress.
Get moving, ever forward, one step beyond.
JW
It took me a while to realize that the cause of my lack of progress in so many areas is due to my lack of belief in my own inner voice. Lately I've allowed that voice to be influenced by the comfort of past success.
Over the past six months I stopped listening to my inner Bobby Knight because frankly, compliments and praise are soothing to a false ego. Words became the new sugar.
This bled over into my nutrition. I stopped believing my situation and weight wasn't so bad. And while improvement was made, it still doesn't change the fact that my mass is unhealthy.
The new health habits that I embraced were shaken apart by a personal family tragedy and a financial setback. As the compliments soothed, so did unhealthy food.
The decision to advance out of debt by moving my business to the next level also limited funds, but the bottom line is that I quit on myself.
I started to believe that my goals and expectations in life were unrealistic. This extends to several other personal areas.
"Relax, be gentler about the process", "You can only do so much", "It won't hurt you to enjoy things a little". Bullshit. I call bullshit on that and the way I reacted.
My inner voice gave those demands for a reason -- I need to be pushed beyond my comfort levels! Complacency is a stagnate death. And lately I've been slowly dying.
Addicts are addicts because they cannot comprehend moderation. I am a sugar addict. The ban on donuts got replaced with multiple cupcake runs. Again, I am seeking comfort when what I need is strife.
My body changed because it was thrust into a position that was do or die. My mentality followed and so did progress.
My unfulfilled ego became sated with compliments and my desire faded. People always say that ego doesn't matter but I'm here to tell you it means everything.
When the ego is in check then all is well in my world-- all cylinders fire and compliment nor criticism mean anything more than the other. The harmony of the inner voice aligned with a clear vision of what must be done are the only thing you need.
This does not mean one should not seek wise council because you should absolutely seek wisdom from the masters.
When you become divided in your attention, the issue of clarity from within becomes suspect. The reason I got in this mess to begin with is because I failed to trust myself, and those who clearly saw through my own bullshit.
Due to personal resins I dropped my mantra of "Private Pyle must die". Now, along with my sorely missed inner fire, I'm picking it back up with a vengeance.
And I welcome, with humility, the challenge by any that said it couldn't be done, knowing that much of the work is done in quiet solitude without any ego stroke.
Private Pyle must die a swift death. And to the mythical red-haired girl -- you ain't as far out of my reach as everyone seems to think.
Plant the seeds, water and nurture them, but understand that growth is stress.
Get moving, ever forward, one step beyond.
JW
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Raging ADHD or Raging BS?
True Believers!
The journey to health goes far beyond my addiction to donuts, cake, and lovely red-haired girls. It is an all encompassing path to liberation of the mind as well as the body. I saw an article link on Facebook this morning to a story on ADHD being a fictitious disease and made a statement toward it that I want to share.
"And those with an actual stream of consciousness are labeled as "diseased". Between big pharmacy and religion your government doesn't have to lift a finger to make you a slave; your own naivety and the need to see yourself as flawed are the chains that bind you. The only arms you need to bear in defense are your thoughts but you have willfully surrendered them."
Some of you may be offended by this statement. I debated a bit about posting it here for concern over alienating the readership due to the mention of the two things that shan't be mentioned without getting people up in a tuft: politics and religion.
If you are offended, ask yourself, why?
If you mistook this for a conspiracy theory jab, check again.
What I want to add to this is the fact that I believe, due to my own personal experiences, that a plethora of our societal ills can be fixed with two basic things: nutrition and exercise/physical activity.
Now that I have your attention and have possibly invoked feelings on topics you may be strongly about, I ask that you these questions:
What are you doing today to improve your life and health?
What difference are you making for the lives of your children by helping improve their life and health?
Working for a living isn't an acceptable answer because that alone ain't working to improve, it's simply maintaining or falling behind for many of us.
How are we going to improve if we aren't willing to keep moving ever forward one step beyond?
With Passion,
JW
The journey to health goes far beyond my addiction to donuts, cake, and lovely red-haired girls. It is an all encompassing path to liberation of the mind as well as the body. I saw an article link on Facebook this morning to a story on ADHD being a fictitious disease and made a statement toward it that I want to share.
"And those with an actual stream of consciousness are labeled as "diseased". Between big pharmacy and religion your government doesn't have to lift a finger to make you a slave; your own naivety and the need to see yourself as flawed are the chains that bind you. The only arms you need to bear in defense are your thoughts but you have willfully surrendered them."
Some of you may be offended by this statement. I debated a bit about posting it here for concern over alienating the readership due to the mention of the two things that shan't be mentioned without getting people up in a tuft: politics and religion.
If you are offended, ask yourself, why?
If you mistook this for a conspiracy theory jab, check again.
What I want to add to this is the fact that I believe, due to my own personal experiences, that a plethora of our societal ills can be fixed with two basic things: nutrition and exercise/physical activity.
What are you doing today to improve your life and health?
What difference are you making for the lives of your children by helping improve their life and health?
Working for a living isn't an acceptable answer because that alone ain't working to improve, it's simply maintaining or falling behind for many of us.
How are we going to improve if we aren't willing to keep moving ever forward one step beyond?
With Passion,
JW
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Secret Of My Success: Donut Miss This Blog!
DONUT TRY THIS DIET AT HOME
19 days down, 416 to go until I beat my self imposed streak of not eating a donut. Challenging C.M. Punk's 434 day title reign was the mental trigger I chose to put them down. The problem is that I have subbed in cake and ice cream; the latter of which always rears it's delicious head when the warm weather sets in. Thankfully summer is relatively a short season in these parts! I'm going to add cake to this list soon. Ice cream should probably join cake on the list...one vice at a time? Weddings and your birthday should be the only occasions for cake anyway, right?
And it's not easy, folks. The donuts can literally roll out of nowhere from the strangest places! This was taken outside the famous Kiedrowski's Simply Delicious Bakery. Don't click that link if you are within a 50 mile radius of Amherst, Ohio because you will want to stop whatever it is that you are doing and drive there! My arm was twisted into two maple pecan Danishes while I was there and they were SPECTACULAR. Shout out to my buddy, Casie aka Pretty Poison, who is known to haunt Kiedrowski's but wasn't there during my visit. She's a fellow baked goods and comic book/superhero/Star Wars junkie who looks far better in an R2D2 bikini than I do.
.JPG)
If you are going to indulge, which we all do from time to time, then I strongly urge you to BUY LOCAL! The quality is superior and it also helps sustain your community. And now I feel less shame for my pastry sins this weekend.
The real secret is maintaining insulin levels and not spiking them. Clean eating, lots of protein, very little to no processed foods. Weight lifting or resistance training BEFORE cardio. This is what works. Lately my sugar creep in has become an avalanche and I'm working through the mental end of this because physically I'm still seeking out sugar. I'll go more into nutrition that actually works for you later but in the meantime just Google the term Paleo Lifestyle. It is important to note that I'm a VORACIOUS omnomnomnivore with highly carnivorous tendencies. All vegan talk will be dismissed with prejudice. I appreciate your compassion but my lust for flesh and blood is just too strong.
I am curious though...What is working or not working for you? Comment away.
The next edition will be on my ongoing identity crisis. Until then keep moving forward one step beyond!
JW
Friday, May 17, 2013
Reality Really Bites Part 3: Up The Creek, Just Down River
True Believers!
It's been a while but I'm not the kind of guy to write just to hear my fingers peck on a keyboard. I do want to share with you yet ANOTHER casting experience I had with Biggest Loser last weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Three weeks ago my employer received a call from someone claiming to be the casting director for the Biggest Loser Cincinnati event. She asked if any of our customers or employees would be interested in attending. The offer was extended as a cross promotion and all she would need were email addresses and contact info. All of this seemed legit since the name matched and our demographic could benefit. Without hesitation I offered contact info for myself and a friend who encouraged me to attend despite my lack of success last season.
I immediately messaged my buddy to tell him we had passes to jump ahead of the line! Could the same stars that aligned last year be realigning to FINALLY get me the shot at $250,000? We were beginning to believe.
The week before my friend and I had a falling out about similarities between the content of our videos. Pedro, if you are reading this, I ain't mad Bro. hopefully the recounting of what went down will make you feel better about your decision to not attend.
I emailed the director asking for protocol to advance in the line. This person told me to "arrive at 3pm and my name would be on the list". Now I've been the man WITH the list before for much of my life in music so I took the word as good. Since I no longer had a partner to share gas and lodging expenses I opted to wait until the morning of the casting to travel so I could avoid a hotel bill. This is of course because I fully expected to have to stay over for a callback on Sunday. See, I still have that positive, borderline arrogant, spirit that I thought faded!
Great time was made on the drive; I even spotted a coyote standing along side the highway. In many native cultures the coyote represents the trickster. The thought made me chuckle. What could possibly go wrong? I had front of line privileges AGAIN, and an even better video story than last year! In it to win it.
I took one of my largest outfits and put it on over top my clothes in preparation for a big reveal during the expected two minutes of roundtable for these types of casting events. I had my speech promo mapped out in my head and i was ready to unload and show the world that it was my time!
"Hi, (insert casting director's name) has me on her list, I was told to arrive at 3pm"
"You aren't on the list"
What.the.frack. Here I am, holding up pants that are 20 sizes too big, wearing what looks like a giant red clown jacket, trying to pull the "surely you must be mistaken" card. He wasn't mistaken, I WASN'T ON THE LIST!
Having been the keeper of the list for more events than most will ever attend, I kept calm. I then produced the email and showed it to him. I told him that I was a callback last season and that I'd been through the process before. When I told him there is no reason in hell I'd show up at 3PM! without instruction to do so knowing how big the line would be that late in the day. He informed me that I wasn't the only one who was in the situation; there was a scam going around and there were others that got through earlier that shouldn't have passed.
I didn't give the man any guff, I merely held onto my clown pants and headed back to the end of a line that was 2,000 people deep at 3:15pm. He assured me he would check into it and come back for me. I've used that line before, I know the score...
Part of my trip included meeting up with an old roller derby friend and announcing partner to take in my first post-retirement from announcing duty bout. I was looking forward to enjoying the sport with my friend who also left the broadcast booth last year. From the end of a still growing line I sent a text informing him of the situation and that I would be trapped in line and couldn't make it. Oh, hello coyote, you were actually an omen this morning!
After the third pass to count the growing line, the gentleman with the list made good on his word. Not only did he check on me, he PULLED ME TO THE FRONT! Clearly he knew that all in Olympus had sent me there to save the fat portion of the human race, I mused as I struggled to walk the line and hold up my old size 66 khakis.
This was it! Go time. I'd even paced out my promo and had it right about the two minute mark.. I was informed once inside the Planet Fitness where the actually casting screenings were happening, that due to the amount of attendees we would only have 30 seconds. Huh? Really? 30 seconds? So much for my great promo. I mean, I can tell you how great I am but it'd take more than 30 seconds to scratch the surface of that greatness!
It went. That's about all I can say about that. They asked what our greatest challenge was outside of our weight was and I went OFF! My 30 seconds was some great heel promo about how it was ridiculous to consider that question because EVERYTHING challenging revolved around my weight. My time was brief but I let it loose on them and I feel great for doing it my way. I still think my villainous self would be more watchable than a bunch of crybabies any day. Apparently they haven't come around to that idea.
We were all thanked and dismissed with the instruction that callbacks would be made by 10pm. I did make the bout in time! The first half of a double header was enjoyed track side and I loved the experience of being just a fan! Of course I'm a fan of the sport but it was great to not have to work the call.After 7:30 my phone didn't leave my hand. by just after 8pm my phone was almost dead. There was no way I would possibly miss my callback so I said my fare wells and went to my truck to charge my phone. Of course I'd have to wait around til 10pm so I could get instructions for my callback, right? The Cincinnati Rollergirls always put on a great event so it made it even harder to split early. I stopped at the merchandise booth and picked up a shirt to support the league. This is something I LOVE doing now that I'm no longer too fat to be a fan!
Nope. 10:00 pm and the phone never rang.In search of satisfaction I decided to head to Terry's Turf Club and take in arguably the best burger the city had to offer, no bun of course. It was top of the line and if you are ever in Cincy, get there before midnight and enjoy!
All in all I got something I needed out of this trip on multiple levels. It was a minute out of town which I desperately needed. A solid vacation is still needed but we're still in financial limbo so that'll have to wait. What I needed most was my spark. The rough winter and everything else really took it out of me. When I hit that line and I saw so many people struggling with the same issues it made me really appreciate my progress. Then I saw some of them stepping out of line and shoving cigarettes into their over 400lb faces it made me realize that the boat I'm in ain't so bad. In comparison to the one they are in, mine seems like a yacht with a flag on the top that says "chillin' the most". Yes, I quoted Kid Rock. Why? Because he has one of the strongest work ethics in his business. And after seeing the defeat on the faces of those people in line, I realized just how strong my work ethic was and just how much I was neglecting it.
I'm back.
Hi, my name is J.W., I'm 37 soon to be 38 years old and I now weigh 392lbs. This is my wake up call. This will make sense once I post my casting video which will happen very soon. Until we meet again, keep moving forward one step beyond!
Yours in burgers without buns (and half the fries, I prefer tots),
J.W. aka the highlight of Monday night.
.JPG)
It's been a while but I'm not the kind of guy to write just to hear my fingers peck on a keyboard. I do want to share with you yet ANOTHER casting experience I had with Biggest Loser last weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Three weeks ago my employer received a call from someone claiming to be the casting director for the Biggest Loser Cincinnati event. She asked if any of our customers or employees would be interested in attending. The offer was extended as a cross promotion and all she would need were email addresses and contact info. All of this seemed legit since the name matched and our demographic could benefit. Without hesitation I offered contact info for myself and a friend who encouraged me to attend despite my lack of success last season.
I immediately messaged my buddy to tell him we had passes to jump ahead of the line! Could the same stars that aligned last year be realigning to FINALLY get me the shot at $250,000? We were beginning to believe.
The week before my friend and I had a falling out about similarities between the content of our videos. Pedro, if you are reading this, I ain't mad Bro. hopefully the recounting of what went down will make you feel better about your decision to not attend.
I emailed the director asking for protocol to advance in the line. This person told me to "arrive at 3pm and my name would be on the list". Now I've been the man WITH the list before for much of my life in music so I took the word as good. Since I no longer had a partner to share gas and lodging expenses I opted to wait until the morning of the casting to travel so I could avoid a hotel bill. This is of course because I fully expected to have to stay over for a callback on Sunday. See, I still have that positive, borderline arrogant, spirit that I thought faded!
Great time was made on the drive; I even spotted a coyote standing along side the highway. In many native cultures the coyote represents the trickster. The thought made me chuckle. What could possibly go wrong? I had front of line privileges AGAIN, and an even better video story than last year! In it to win it.
I took one of my largest outfits and put it on over top my clothes in preparation for a big reveal during the expected two minutes of roundtable for these types of casting events. I had my speech promo mapped out in my head and i was ready to unload and show the world that it was my time!
"Hi, (insert casting director's name) has me on her list, I was told to arrive at 3pm"
"You aren't on the list"
What.the.frack. Here I am, holding up pants that are 20 sizes too big, wearing what looks like a giant red clown jacket, trying to pull the "surely you must be mistaken" card. He wasn't mistaken, I WASN'T ON THE LIST!
Having been the keeper of the list for more events than most will ever attend, I kept calm. I then produced the email and showed it to him. I told him that I was a callback last season and that I'd been through the process before. When I told him there is no reason in hell I'd show up at 3PM! without instruction to do so knowing how big the line would be that late in the day. He informed me that I wasn't the only one who was in the situation; there was a scam going around and there were others that got through earlier that shouldn't have passed.
I didn't give the man any guff, I merely held onto my clown pants and headed back to the end of a line that was 2,000 people deep at 3:15pm. He assured me he would check into it and come back for me. I've used that line before, I know the score...
Part of my trip included meeting up with an old roller derby friend and announcing partner to take in my first post-retirement from announcing duty bout. I was looking forward to enjoying the sport with my friend who also left the broadcast booth last year. From the end of a still growing line I sent a text informing him of the situation and that I would be trapped in line and couldn't make it. Oh, hello coyote, you were actually an omen this morning!
After the third pass to count the growing line, the gentleman with the list made good on his word. Not only did he check on me, he PULLED ME TO THE FRONT! Clearly he knew that all in Olympus had sent me there to save the fat portion of the human race, I mused as I struggled to walk the line and hold up my old size 66 khakis.
This was it! Go time. I'd even paced out my promo and had it right about the two minute mark.. I was informed once inside the Planet Fitness where the actually casting screenings were happening, that due to the amount of attendees we would only have 30 seconds. Huh? Really? 30 seconds? So much for my great promo. I mean, I can tell you how great I am but it'd take more than 30 seconds to scratch the surface of that greatness!
It went. That's about all I can say about that. They asked what our greatest challenge was outside of our weight was and I went OFF! My 30 seconds was some great heel promo about how it was ridiculous to consider that question because EVERYTHING challenging revolved around my weight. My time was brief but I let it loose on them and I feel great for doing it my way. I still think my villainous self would be more watchable than a bunch of crybabies any day. Apparently they haven't come around to that idea.
We were all thanked and dismissed with the instruction that callbacks would be made by 10pm. I did make the bout in time! The first half of a double header was enjoyed track side and I loved the experience of being just a fan! Of course I'm a fan of the sport but it was great to not have to work the call.After 7:30 my phone didn't leave my hand. by just after 8pm my phone was almost dead. There was no way I would possibly miss my callback so I said my fare wells and went to my truck to charge my phone. Of course I'd have to wait around til 10pm so I could get instructions for my callback, right? The Cincinnati Rollergirls always put on a great event so it made it even harder to split early. I stopped at the merchandise booth and picked up a shirt to support the league. This is something I LOVE doing now that I'm no longer too fat to be a fan!
Nope. 10:00 pm and the phone never rang.In search of satisfaction I decided to head to Terry's Turf Club and take in arguably the best burger the city had to offer, no bun of course. It was top of the line and if you are ever in Cincy, get there before midnight and enjoy!
All in all I got something I needed out of this trip on multiple levels. It was a minute out of town which I desperately needed. A solid vacation is still needed but we're still in financial limbo so that'll have to wait. What I needed most was my spark. The rough winter and everything else really took it out of me. When I hit that line and I saw so many people struggling with the same issues it made me really appreciate my progress. Then I saw some of them stepping out of line and shoving cigarettes into their over 400lb faces it made me realize that the boat I'm in ain't so bad. In comparison to the one they are in, mine seems like a yacht with a flag on the top that says "chillin' the most". Yes, I quoted Kid Rock. Why? Because he has one of the strongest work ethics in his business. And after seeing the defeat on the faces of those people in line, I realized just how strong my work ethic was and just how much I was neglecting it.
I'm back.
Hi, my name is J.W., I'm 37 soon to be 38 years old and I now weigh 392lbs. This is my wake up call. This will make sense once I post my casting video which will happen very soon. Until we meet again, keep moving forward one step beyond!
Yours in burgers without buns (and half the fries, I prefer tots),
J.W. aka the highlight of Monday night.
.JPG)
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Thank You, Charles Ramsey
Can we get the Superman logo replaced with a "C" and make a commemorative #believeintheCLE shirt to raise funds to get Charles Ramsey a sweet reward? Let's make this happen!
Monday, May 6, 2013
In Bloom: The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow?
True Believers,
It's been a while since I've written but there has been a lot on my mind as of late. The loss of my nephew took a lot out of me and I'm still reeling from it. During the course of my absence from writing I've been struggling with my own weight related identity issues and depression. I want to address some of them here openly because there may be someone out there reading this who needs to know that they are not as alone as they may think. This is my free form of mental health care.
A big contributor to my bouts with the black dog as of late have of course been financial. Getting slammed for over $400 in traffic court fines really set me back -- it was a slide through a red light in a white out, no accident for crying out loud!!!
Recent pay restructuring at work has also led to an average loss of roughly $80 a month in wages. I've pared down my enjoyment spending quite a bit and it sucks.It's not at the cat food for dinner? level so there is hope.
As a result I now find myself without any type of gym membership whatsoever for the first time since I started my journey. A membership has provided me with refuge through the loss of my stepfather, teaching career change, multiple health scares from an ailing Mum and of course the natural brutality of a Cleveland winter. Thanks in part to wintry conditions and a notoriously merciless traffic judge, I now lack the funds to maintain my refuge. This still really bothers me and I have to find something soon aside from walking/trying to jog.
I can hear it now: "CLEAN YOUR ROOM!" Don't worry, I did. And it helped lift my spirits immensely. The weather has finally broken and that is helping quite a bit. I finally started the Couch to 5K program in preparation for the Warrior Dash in August. And my really fat kid clothing has been bagged up and most of it donated. Some was sold since I needed cash; it was relatively new and I found a consignment store that deals with big men's clothing. Now I really need to clean my kitchen and take a better interest in prepping...baby step into the kitchen, baby step to the sink...I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful...
There is something else I want to mention. Despite the major bummer of not making the casting cut for The Biggest Loser last year, I've decided to give it another go. The video editing and new sequences have put my lack of progress into perspective. The casting is this Saturday in Cincinnati. Afterword I plan on taking in my first roller derby bout as a spectator since leaving the announce booth! I'll let you know how it turns out but for now I gotta make like a banana and split! We have to find something that fits properly to wear to a casting call. Any suggestions? Anyone you know going to the May 11 casting?
Keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
P.S.
At midnight I'll be one week DONUT FREE! Now if I can shuffle away from cake I'll be ok.
Follow me on these amazing FREE apps
Fitocracy for fun points for exercise: username ProfMarvel
Myfitnesspal for tracking nutrition: usernameProfMarvel
It's been a while since I've written but there has been a lot on my mind as of late. The loss of my nephew took a lot out of me and I'm still reeling from it. During the course of my absence from writing I've been struggling with my own weight related identity issues and depression. I want to address some of them here openly because there may be someone out there reading this who needs to know that they are not as alone as they may think. This is my free form of mental health care.
A big contributor to my bouts with the black dog as of late have of course been financial. Getting slammed for over $400 in traffic court fines really set me back -- it was a slide through a red light in a white out, no accident for crying out loud!!!
Recent pay restructuring at work has also led to an average loss of roughly $80 a month in wages. I've pared down my enjoyment spending quite a bit and it sucks.It's not at the cat food for dinner? level so there is hope.
As a result I now find myself without any type of gym membership whatsoever for the first time since I started my journey. A membership has provided me with refuge through the loss of my stepfather, teaching career change, multiple health scares from an ailing Mum and of course the natural brutality of a Cleveland winter. Thanks in part to wintry conditions and a notoriously merciless traffic judge, I now lack the funds to maintain my refuge. This still really bothers me and I have to find something soon aside from walking/trying to jog.
This winter lingered far too long! A scene from a morning walk in March.
My depression peaks seasonally. This winter in particular was difficult because I've really been struggling with the old habits of Private Pyle; my generally high self confidence has waned and I've been making late night binge runs to the 24 hour grocery store on a regular basis. It's almost as if I can't grasp the direction in which I was heading and I'm finding it easier to re-route back to the old me. It's incredibly frustrating. Despite these hurdles I've maintained nutrition tracking so I can reflect upon the garbage I'm putting in my system. If I get to the point where I'm not doing that or lying then I know it's time to call in a professional. The thought of counseling has entered my mind but alas I'm uninsured like many Americans and cannot afford it. Per the suggestion of a friend I'm considering attending an Over-eaters Anonymous group. I will openly admit I'm not a fan of 12 step programs but I'm willing to give it a try.
I received a message from my support group leader, Dr. Ray, that asked if someone were to look into your car would they think that a healthy or fit person was the driver. I cringed when I read it! I'm a messy Marvin by nature. My tendencies during peak bouts of depression lend to a complete disregard for housekeeping, especially when it comes to clothes. This situation, combined with the fact that we've seen weather days in the 80 degree range followed by snow the following day have made the mess even worse! When you add the fact that I'm still holding on to clothing that is WAY too big you get a disaster. Here it is folks, in living color...the mess that was my room.
80 and sunny out today with chance of snow tomorrow!
There is something else I want to mention. Despite the major bummer of not making the casting cut for The Biggest Loser last year, I've decided to give it another go. The video editing and new sequences have put my lack of progress into perspective. The casting is this Saturday in Cincinnati. Afterword I plan on taking in my first roller derby bout as a spectator since leaving the announce booth! I'll let you know how it turns out but for now I gotta make like a banana and split! We have to find something that fits properly to wear to a casting call. Any suggestions? Anyone you know going to the May 11 casting?
Keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW
P.S.
At midnight I'll be one week DONUT FREE! Now if I can shuffle away from cake I'll be ok.
Follow me on these amazing FREE apps
Fitocracy for fun points for exercise: username ProfMarvel
Myfitnesspal for tracking nutrition: usernameProfMarvel
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
My Gloves Are Still Up
True Believers, my absence from writing is not something I will go into too great of detail about here. Recently my family suffered a tragic loss; my dear nephew took his own life on April 8, 2013. It's hard to process it and I can't say that I'll walk away from this the same man I was. What I will say is that I'm looking for light amidst this darkness. I'm not a man of any religious affiliation nor do I have any intention of seeking solace in any scriptures so I ask that you spare me any messages or remarks of that nature.
Most of my usual operations have ceased for a bit while I try and pull it together. My own personal battle with depression was beating me down due to the winter that wouldn't go away. Internally I've not been myself for some time and the most prevalent indicator has been my nutrition and my attitude toward making healthy choices. If you ask me on any given day I'll most likely tell you that I'm an ass kicking machine when it comes to anything I'm passionate about- comic books, the endless pursuit of redheads who grace magazine covers, wrasslin', trivia. and weight loss. My general attitude is brazenly confident, outgoing, and overly positive. Lately that version of me has been AWOL and Private Pyle has been the dominant mentality.
My nephew was an inspiration to me. His childhood wasn't the easiest and I watched him overcome so many obstacles. He was among the first close to me to undergo a body transformation that wowed me and gave me an AHA! moment. We both shared a love for MMA and oddly enough it was the following clip of UFC great, Chael Sonnen, that gave me a much needed revelation about my situation beyond the immediate grief I'm wading through: Failure is always an option. Please take a minute to watch the link.
The same rationale can be applied to life. It's hard to own up to the societal and self imposed view that opening up about one's feelings or seeking help is a sign of weakness. There is always a fear in my mind that those who look up to me or rely on me will be let down. Job, relationship, friends, family all have expectations based upon the roles you fill with each. As men we are supposed to be self sufficient and tough as nails on all fronts, right? I'm here to admit I'm wrong about that.
Part of the reason I started to open up about my experience through this process is because I wanted to help others who are going through a similar situation. The point of continuing my work is to improve my situation on all fronts- better health, healthier relationships and greater manifestations of opportunities to grow as a person. We all fight our own battles and must learn to walk away from a loss and learn from it.
My grief is turning to anger over this situation, which, in my view is progress. Apathy got me into plenty of messes and anger was the impetus that helped me get out of them. My heart is heavy and so is my ass due to all my recent grief and depression eating. It's time to pick up the pieces and get back to work. It's time for me to reach through and make a true believer out of myself again. This will be easier once I decide on which identity I want to embrace. Tune into the next blog later this week on the struggle of identity.
Until next time keep moving ever forward, one step beyond.
JW
Most of my usual operations have ceased for a bit while I try and pull it together. My own personal battle with depression was beating me down due to the winter that wouldn't go away. Internally I've not been myself for some time and the most prevalent indicator has been my nutrition and my attitude toward making healthy choices. If you ask me on any given day I'll most likely tell you that I'm an ass kicking machine when it comes to anything I'm passionate about- comic books, the endless pursuit of redheads who grace magazine covers, wrasslin', trivia. and weight loss. My general attitude is brazenly confident, outgoing, and overly positive. Lately that version of me has been AWOL and Private Pyle has been the dominant mentality.
My nephew was an inspiration to me. His childhood wasn't the easiest and I watched him overcome so many obstacles. He was among the first close to me to undergo a body transformation that wowed me and gave me an AHA! moment. We both shared a love for MMA and oddly enough it was the following clip of UFC great, Chael Sonnen, that gave me a much needed revelation about my situation beyond the immediate grief I'm wading through: Failure is always an option. Please take a minute to watch the link.
The same rationale can be applied to life. It's hard to own up to the societal and self imposed view that opening up about one's feelings or seeking help is a sign of weakness. There is always a fear in my mind that those who look up to me or rely on me will be let down. Job, relationship, friends, family all have expectations based upon the roles you fill with each. As men we are supposed to be self sufficient and tough as nails on all fronts, right? I'm here to admit I'm wrong about that.
Part of the reason I started to open up about my experience through this process is because I wanted to help others who are going through a similar situation. The point of continuing my work is to improve my situation on all fronts- better health, healthier relationships and greater manifestations of opportunities to grow as a person. We all fight our own battles and must learn to walk away from a loss and learn from it.
My grief is turning to anger over this situation, which, in my view is progress. Apathy got me into plenty of messes and anger was the impetus that helped me get out of them. My heart is heavy and so is my ass due to all my recent grief and depression eating. It's time to pick up the pieces and get back to work. It's time for me to reach through and make a true believer out of myself again. This will be easier once I decide on which identity I want to embrace. Tune into the next blog later this week on the struggle of identity.
Until next time keep moving ever forward, one step beyond.
JW
I'll Always remember you with your gloves up.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Always A Reverend, Never A Groom
True Believers! Spring is upon us! And with the arrival of the blossoms come the blooms of love. Ah, Spring! This is the start of wedding season; a desolate time of year when you are fat and alone. I realize weddings are at times stressful for everyone of all shapes and sizes but I just want to share my perspective from both the podium as a preacher and the flimsy folding chairs as a fat guy in attendance.
As some of you know, I'm a wedding officiant here in Ohio. My ordainment goes back to 1996 and was issued through The Universal Life Church. The story about why I became ordained is reserved for face to face chat so I'll tell you about it if you ask...maybe. It wasn't until 2003 that I considered and began performing marriage services. This came about purely out of necessity to serve friends in need; a co-worker wanted to wed his long time partner and neither belonged to a church or wanted a courthouse ceremony. Can you blame them? Court is an awful, awful place. Did I mention that the fines, court costs, parking tickets, and lot fees to fight my last ticket totaled $476?
When you are fat and single fewer things are worse than getting a wedding invitation.Yes, this is true for us guys too. Everyone shows up wearing their best and their clothes actually fit. Couples hold each other a bit closer and some dream of their turn at walking down that aisle. Children, flowers, tears of joy, open bars, and CAKE! I guess weddings aren't that bad for fat loners, I mean free booze AND cake? Don't think me to be ungrateful for the invites, think of this more as a moment of honesty from a friend. Relationships are tough, marriage can be a lot of work, but single life in your thirties ain't no picnic.
You have to find something to wear, search through registries and buy a gift, and maybe even be forced into pictures -- good grief! The worst part is knowing you have the capacity to care and not being able to get a date that is concerned with anything beyond an open bar or showing mercy upon your miserable bloated soul. At least these are the thoughts that ran through my head and I'm sure I'm not alone on this, am I? I can't be the only person who has ever buckled a folding reception chair, can I?
As an officiant the roles were somewhat reversed. I don't have to buy a gift, I can wear the same suit, AND it's expected that I don't show up with a date! Did I mention FREE CAKE?! It would seem like a win-win situation. I even get a check, cash is preferred of course, to appear and provide the service. This isn't such a bad deal.
Over the years I'v been honored to perform weddings for some of my dearest friends. Sharing in their big days has provided me with some of my fondest memories. At the same time it's been an emotional process that has also been among the more painful experiences at times. Seeing all of your closest friends off into wedded bliss knowing that you are doomed to be alone due to your weight hurts. It got to the point that it hurt so much that I nearly stopped doing weddings all together a couple of years ago.
My feelings towards weddings have changed quite a bit since the transformation. It's slightly less painful to be seen in photographs since dropping 160 excess pounds. The feelings of hopelessness have lightened. If I had to pinpoint the ceremony that was a turning point it would be my dear friend and long time music collaborator's wedding this past October. She has taken up a healthier lifestyle herself and finally found the love of her life. This wedding in particular choked me up like no other -- for once I finally began to see the possibility of being in a state of mind to embrace the possibility of finding love!
Instead of looking at the outside of myself as I had done my whole life, I was able to see love within my being. I was finally taking care of my body and it showed. The outer appearance was now starting to resemble the love I'd shown myself by improving my health! The night became a celebration of life and love that I actually felt comfortable enjoying! Normally at a close friends wedding I would have been three sheets to the wind before the meal was served. This night was different; I was nearing my one year anniversary of becoming straight edge and I couldn't have been happier to NOT have alcohol! Did I mention I only had one piece of cake? Maybe two? It was two and they were spectacular! It was a beautiful evening in so many ways.
A recent connection via another friend and wedding professional has motivated me to pick up the practice again with a full head of steam. My passion for bringing people together has been rekindled! With a renewed outlook on life I look forward with to bringing couples from all walks of life together while taking up less space in the photos! And as a wedding guest the probability of wedding dates outside those with friends out of consolation or charity. Even though my bleak attitude towards relationships has lifted considerably I'm still convinced I'll remain single for quite some time. Perpetual bachelorhood isn't so bad when you are happy with who you are and I'm becoming happier both inside and out. Additionally, it would take one hell of a red-haired fireball for me to ever consider walking that aisle and standing on the other side of the altar. Did I ever mention I love a challenge?
If you or someone you know is in need of a wedding officiant in Ohio, please contact me! Thanks for reading! Please share with anyone you know who is battling with weight related or body image issues. And until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!
JW
Stop by and give the Facebook page a "Like" https://www.facebook.com/pages/Strong-Style-Hustle
Always a Reverend, never a groom. This size 66 jacket became too small to button. I was waiting for the rain and my life to end.
As some of you know, I'm a wedding officiant here in Ohio. My ordainment goes back to 1996 and was issued through The Universal Life Church. The story about why I became ordained is reserved for face to face chat so I'll tell you about it if you ask...maybe. It wasn't until 2003 that I considered and began performing marriage services. This came about purely out of necessity to serve friends in need; a co-worker wanted to wed his long time partner and neither belonged to a church or wanted a courthouse ceremony. Can you blame them? Court is an awful, awful place. Did I mention that the fines, court costs, parking tickets, and lot fees to fight my last ticket totaled $476?
When you are fat and single fewer things are worse than getting a wedding invitation.Yes, this is true for us guys too. Everyone shows up wearing their best and their clothes actually fit. Couples hold each other a bit closer and some dream of their turn at walking down that aisle. Children, flowers, tears of joy, open bars, and CAKE! I guess weddings aren't that bad for fat loners, I mean free booze AND cake? Don't think me to be ungrateful for the invites, think of this more as a moment of honesty from a friend. Relationships are tough, marriage can be a lot of work, but single life in your thirties ain't no picnic.
You have to find something to wear, search through registries and buy a gift, and maybe even be forced into pictures -- good grief! The worst part is knowing you have the capacity to care and not being able to get a date that is concerned with anything beyond an open bar or showing mercy upon your miserable bloated soul. At least these are the thoughts that ran through my head and I'm sure I'm not alone on this, am I? I can't be the only person who has ever buckled a folding reception chair, can I?
Can you guess who is single in this photo?
As an officiant the roles were somewhat reversed. I don't have to buy a gift, I can wear the same suit, AND it's expected that I don't show up with a date! Did I mention FREE CAKE?! It would seem like a win-win situation. I even get a check, cash is preferred of course, to appear and provide the service. This isn't such a bad deal.
Over the years I'v been honored to perform weddings for some of my dearest friends. Sharing in their big days has provided me with some of my fondest memories. At the same time it's been an emotional process that has also been among the more painful experiences at times. Seeing all of your closest friends off into wedded bliss knowing that you are doomed to be alone due to your weight hurts. It got to the point that it hurt so much that I nearly stopped doing weddings all together a couple of years ago.
At my highest weight it was even painful to physically stand through a ceremony. I never want to feel that way again.
My feelings towards weddings have changed quite a bit since the transformation. It's slightly less painful to be seen in photographs since dropping 160 excess pounds. The feelings of hopelessness have lightened. If I had to pinpoint the ceremony that was a turning point it would be my dear friend and long time music collaborator's wedding this past October. She has taken up a healthier lifestyle herself and finally found the love of her life. This wedding in particular choked me up like no other -- for once I finally began to see the possibility of being in a state of mind to embrace the possibility of finding love!
Instead of looking at the outside of myself as I had done my whole life, I was able to see love within my being. I was finally taking care of my body and it showed. The outer appearance was now starting to resemble the love I'd shown myself by improving my health! The night became a celebration of life and love that I actually felt comfortable enjoying! Normally at a close friends wedding I would have been three sheets to the wind before the meal was served. This night was different; I was nearing my one year anniversary of becoming straight edge and I couldn't have been happier to NOT have alcohol! Did I mention I only had one piece of cake? Maybe two? It was two and they were spectacular! It was a beautiful evening in so many ways.
A recent connection via another friend and wedding professional has motivated me to pick up the practice again with a full head of steam. My passion for bringing people together has been rekindled! With a renewed outlook on life I look forward with to bringing couples from all walks of life together while taking up less space in the photos! And as a wedding guest the probability of wedding dates outside those with friends out of consolation or charity. Even though my bleak attitude towards relationships has lifted considerably I'm still convinced I'll remain single for quite some time. Perpetual bachelorhood isn't so bad when you are happy with who you are and I'm becoming happier both inside and out. Additionally, it would take one hell of a red-haired fireball for me to ever consider walking that aisle and standing on the other side of the altar. Did I ever mention I love a challenge?
If you or someone you know is in need of a wedding officiant in Ohio, please contact me! Thanks for reading! Please share with anyone you know who is battling with weight related or body image issues. And until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!
JW
Stop by and give the Facebook page a "Like" https://www.facebook.com/pages/Strong-Style-Hustle
Monday, April 1, 2013
Back To Whence I Came
Fear not, True Believers! The title of this post does not imply that Private Pyle won an we will be retreating back to the "before" portion of the new before & after pic. This is a tale of friendship and synchronicity that emerged out of a situation that has been a thorn in my side for a while.
In early March I put forth a battle plan to improve myself. Right around that time I also acquired a lovely ticket for allegedly running a red light in a snow storm or possibly sliding through a yellow while deftly maneuvering out of the intersection to avoid obstructing the flow of traffic. This being a second minor traffic offense within one year meant I could not mail in the waiver. This also carried the possibility of a maximum of 30 days in jail.
No one goes to jail on these stupid tickets, I realize this. All I wanted was a chance to plead my case and stand down the accusation. The judge, who is notoriously a hard nose against traffic tickets, was in NO mood to hear anyone who wasn't an attorney for my pretrial two weeks ago. I begrudgingly, yet respectfully, asked for a continuance to seek legal counsel.; my reluctance stemming from the fact that a public defender in that particular session invoked nothing but rage from the bench. My cortisol levels have been elevated lately to say the least.
My phone went off a couple days ago- a fitness friend I made along the way sent a text message and said that "the pool ain't the same without you". We used to schedule early morning workouts and I always did my best to make them. This in turn helped hold him accountable for showing up. He's been battling restart issues, a pilonidal cyst that required emergency surgery, and his old nutritional habits lately but seems to have his head back in the game. Since I parted ways with the old gym I haven't seen him but we still touch base from time to time. I felt humbled by our conversation when he asked if I would join him at the gym again.
I told him that I could barely afford the $125 membership I had and that there was no way to do both. My plan involved 3-4 WODs per week and I really wanted to stick to plan. He asked if I would return to the gym and extended the offer to pick up my membership saying it would be worth the motivation to him to have me around. I was floored but to proud to accept the offer.
After being reassured by wise counsel that the "30 day threat" was usually just that, I calmed a bit. When I was told that I could get the max of $250 in addition to $160 in court costs that are automatically assessed for non-waiverable offenses I almost had a stroke! To top it off I earned two parking violations during my courthouse visits because I didn't have the cash to pay the inflated parking costs over the cheaper meters. This was an additional $65 in funds I don't have! This was getting too expensive to fight so I have to swallow my pride and plead hopefully to a lesser charge in spite of knowing it's a bunch of MALARKEY. I am a criminal who steals time and space! No parking spots are safe while I roam the streets!
All this comes right near the first of the month. Rent, bills, fines for crimes against time and space, and CrossFit membership all come due along with the rest of this highway robbery. Part of my battle plan centered around WODs. What I love about CrossFit is the fact that you get to play hard. Dropping weights during cleans, snatches, etc. is frowned upon in many gyms including the one I used to belong to. At the box Oly lifts, ball slams, and wall balls are more common than the lines of cardio reading stations that bore us all to tears.
Even though I have some bumper plates and live on the first floor of my building it's not feasible to attempt Oly style lifts in my cramped apartment. With all of this extra debt I have to forego CrossFit for at least a month to recoup the loss to the city. To say I'm pissed is an understatement. I wish this were an April Fools joke but it's not.
Fitness can be achieved nearly anywhere and you don't need a gym membership to do this. The big reason I maintain one is because it holds me accountable because there is an applied monetary value I don't want to waste. I still have plenty I can do but I now would have fewer tools to use. Wah, wah, excuses, excuses. But wait! There was a possible solution right at my fingertips?
I sent a text back explaining the circumstances and asked if the offer still stood. Thankfully, it did. Later today I'm meeting my buddy for lunch and he's signing me back in for April. This means I have to venture away from my newly found CrossFit home for a bit and that sucks. In their honor I will take the insight and intensity gained doing CrossFit with me into the the "outside" gym. I can't use the term "Globogym" because it's not a chain and is also a rehabilitation health facility.
I'll do my best to not drop any barbells but I ain't making that a promise. It'll be nice to see my old fitness family members while getting after it harder than ever!
The friends I'm making on this new path never cease to amaze me. Positive attitudes can spread just as fast as negativity if you let them. Sometimes when the Universe throws you a curve you have to adjust your grip and change your swing a bit. This could have easily been an excuse to cease training but thanks to my buddy, Pedro, it isn't. Among friends in this fight we live to fight another day. Plus I still have a bunch of gift certificates that I won at the old gym that can be cashed in for swim lessons. There is that fitness bucket list and one of those goals requires swimming! Maybe one day I'll enjoying a beach without people trying to save me by pushing me back into the ocean...And onward we march, back into the pool, ever forward one step beyond!
JW
In early March I put forth a battle plan to improve myself. Right around that time I also acquired a lovely ticket for allegedly running a red light in a snow storm or possibly sliding through a yellow while deftly maneuvering out of the intersection to avoid obstructing the flow of traffic. This being a second minor traffic offense within one year meant I could not mail in the waiver. This also carried the possibility of a maximum of 30 days in jail.
No one goes to jail on these stupid tickets, I realize this. All I wanted was a chance to plead my case and stand down the accusation. The judge, who is notoriously a hard nose against traffic tickets, was in NO mood to hear anyone who wasn't an attorney for my pretrial two weeks ago. I begrudgingly, yet respectfully, asked for a continuance to seek legal counsel.; my reluctance stemming from the fact that a public defender in that particular session invoked nothing but rage from the bench. My cortisol levels have been elevated lately to say the least.
My phone went off a couple days ago- a fitness friend I made along the way sent a text message and said that "the pool ain't the same without you". We used to schedule early morning workouts and I always did my best to make them. This in turn helped hold him accountable for showing up. He's been battling restart issues, a pilonidal cyst that required emergency surgery, and his old nutritional habits lately but seems to have his head back in the game. Since I parted ways with the old gym I haven't seen him but we still touch base from time to time. I felt humbled by our conversation when he asked if I would join him at the gym again.
I told him that I could barely afford the $125 membership I had and that there was no way to do both. My plan involved 3-4 WODs per week and I really wanted to stick to plan. He asked if I would return to the gym and extended the offer to pick up my membership saying it would be worth the motivation to him to have me around. I was floored but to proud to accept the offer.
After being reassured by wise counsel that the "30 day threat" was usually just that, I calmed a bit. When I was told that I could get the max of $250 in addition to $160 in court costs that are automatically assessed for non-waiverable offenses I almost had a stroke! To top it off I earned two parking violations during my courthouse visits because I didn't have the cash to pay the inflated parking costs over the cheaper meters. This was an additional $65 in funds I don't have! This was getting too expensive to fight so I have to swallow my pride and plead hopefully to a lesser charge in spite of knowing it's a bunch of MALARKEY. I am a criminal who steals time and space! No parking spots are safe while I roam the streets!
All this comes right near the first of the month. Rent, bills, fines for crimes against time and space, and CrossFit membership all come due along with the rest of this highway robbery. Part of my battle plan centered around WODs. What I love about CrossFit is the fact that you get to play hard. Dropping weights during cleans, snatches, etc. is frowned upon in many gyms including the one I used to belong to. At the box Oly lifts, ball slams, and wall balls are more common than the lines of cardio reading stations that bore us all to tears.
Even though I have some bumper plates and live on the first floor of my building it's not feasible to attempt Oly style lifts in my cramped apartment. With all of this extra debt I have to forego CrossFit for at least a month to recoup the loss to the city. To say I'm pissed is an understatement. I wish this were an April Fools joke but it's not.
Fitness can be achieved nearly anywhere and you don't need a gym membership to do this. The big reason I maintain one is because it holds me accountable because there is an applied monetary value I don't want to waste. I still have plenty I can do but I now would have fewer tools to use. Wah, wah, excuses, excuses. But wait! There was a possible solution right at my fingertips?
I sent a text back explaining the circumstances and asked if the offer still stood. Thankfully, it did. Later today I'm meeting my buddy for lunch and he's signing me back in for April. This means I have to venture away from my newly found CrossFit home for a bit and that sucks. In their honor I will take the insight and intensity gained doing CrossFit with me into the the "outside" gym. I can't use the term "Globogym" because it's not a chain and is also a rehabilitation health facility.
I'll do my best to not drop any barbells but I ain't making that a promise. It'll be nice to see my old fitness family members while getting after it harder than ever!
The friends I'm making on this new path never cease to amaze me. Positive attitudes can spread just as fast as negativity if you let them. Sometimes when the Universe throws you a curve you have to adjust your grip and change your swing a bit. This could have easily been an excuse to cease training but thanks to my buddy, Pedro, it isn't. Among friends in this fight we live to fight another day. Plus I still have a bunch of gift certificates that I won at the old gym that can be cashed in for swim lessons. There is that fitness bucket list and one of those goals requires swimming! Maybe one day I'll enjoying a beach without people trying to save me by pushing me back into the ocean...And onward we march, back into the pool, ever forward one step beyond!
JW
Sunday, March 31, 2013
When The Love Is Real There Is No Sacrifice
True Believers! The following is a stream of consciousness rant addressing my hard wiring and how those wires sometimes get crossed. I tend to see duality in situations and ways of going about things and unfortunately don't always play the right side at the right moment when it comes to nutrition.
A term we are all familiar with when it comes to fitness and nutrition is "sacrifice". In light of the holiday many are celebrating I would like to examine this term and how it can link to negative thought processes that lead to de-motivation derailment. What sacrifice are we actually making?
When I began my mindset was focused and my focus directed towards life.Better nutrition was a move toward a better quality of life. When I made the long drives to the pool I never once viewed it as a sacrifice of sort. This was something I wanted to do more than anything!
On occasion in the locker room I'd hear a someone boast about how much they gave up to get the abs and guns they were so proud of and I always wanted to call them out so I'll do it now- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of your six pack bro, but you need to get over yourself.
It's a trade off of effort for results. We could all be doing any number of things but we make the choice to live a lifestyle because it's what we want to do! Instead of looking at the arbitrary things that aren't related to your goal of fat loss that you could be doing, embrace what you are doing to meet and exceed your goals! The exchange of time and energy brings you more fulfillment than sitting around and getting fat. I loathe the term and the connotations associated with it when it comes to vanity.
The direction that has derailed me with this term is related to food. There wasn't much of a focus initially on personalizing my relationship with food so much as there was a sense of owning my actions. Lately my viewpoint has changed for some reason, it feels sometimes as if I'm falling back into an abusive relationship! Late night loneliness has led to a visit here and there to local sugar shacks for some dirty snackin'. I know it's wrong but the sweetness is my weakness. Sometimes I self sabotage with the thought that I must sacrifice my relationship with sugar. You can almost hear a 50's doo-wop group crooning a break up song with every last donut I consume. Pathetic, I know.
So, self, I'm going to lay it out there just like I did to Mr. Meathead- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of the six pack I don't have...yet.
There are a calendar full of indulgent days where family and friends fill themselves to the gills with carbs, sweets, booze, and the like. With a table set in the presence of your sweet enemies remember that your choices matter and they are YOUR choices. Just because you aren't overindulging like others doesn't mean you are an outcast, it just means you are doing your own thing. Doing your own thing can be a lonely path but you need to remember that you aren't alone -- there are plenty of other people facing similar table settings and pushing aside the pasta, potatoes, and desert.
Speaking of dessert...I did indulge a bit but nowhere near the amount I used to. I'd also like to note that my Mum, who was my most formidable enabler, pulled the big Easter cake from the counter to preparation for my visit! This is unheard of in this house! She would usually have it cut and waiting on the counter for my arrival. This was the best gift I've had for any Easter.
Taking a dedicated stance toward a positive lifestyle change is a great thing! You clean the cupboards, prepare healthy meals, schedule time for exercise, and work for something you truly enjoy: HEALTHIER LIVING. Don't let the view that you must "sacrifice" the biochemical con job that sugar provides derail you from enjoying your choices. Maybe those that bring desserts to the table will become more understanding of your situation provided you remain vigilant? In the meantime focus on how great you feel when you eat clean and play hard while remembering that nothing tastes sweeter than victory. Not even that donut I may or may not have found on the way home late last night-- Shoo doop-a-dooby doop, shoo doop-a-dooby doop...
Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!
JW
A term we are all familiar with when it comes to fitness and nutrition is "sacrifice". In light of the holiday many are celebrating I would like to examine this term and how it can link to negative thought processes that lead to de-motivation derailment. What sacrifice are we actually making?
When I began my mindset was focused and my focus directed towards life.Better nutrition was a move toward a better quality of life. When I made the long drives to the pool I never once viewed it as a sacrifice of sort. This was something I wanted to do more than anything!
On occasion in the locker room I'd hear a someone boast about how much they gave up to get the abs and guns they were so proud of and I always wanted to call them out so I'll do it now- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of your six pack bro, but you need to get over yourself.
It's a trade off of effort for results. We could all be doing any number of things but we make the choice to live a lifestyle because it's what we want to do! Instead of looking at the arbitrary things that aren't related to your goal of fat loss that you could be doing, embrace what you are doing to meet and exceed your goals! The exchange of time and energy brings you more fulfillment than sitting around and getting fat. I loathe the term and the connotations associated with it when it comes to vanity.
The direction that has derailed me with this term is related to food. There wasn't much of a focus initially on personalizing my relationship with food so much as there was a sense of owning my actions. Lately my viewpoint has changed for some reason, it feels sometimes as if I'm falling back into an abusive relationship! Late night loneliness has led to a visit here and there to local sugar shacks for some dirty snackin'. I know it's wrong but the sweetness is my weakness. Sometimes I self sabotage with the thought that I must sacrifice my relationship with sugar. You can almost hear a 50's doo-wop group crooning a break up song with every last donut I consume. Pathetic, I know.
So, self, I'm going to lay it out there just like I did to Mr. Meathead- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of the six pack I don't have...yet.
There are a calendar full of indulgent days where family and friends fill themselves to the gills with carbs, sweets, booze, and the like. With a table set in the presence of your sweet enemies remember that your choices matter and they are YOUR choices. Just because you aren't overindulging like others doesn't mean you are an outcast, it just means you are doing your own thing. Doing your own thing can be a lonely path but you need to remember that you aren't alone -- there are plenty of other people facing similar table settings and pushing aside the pasta, potatoes, and desert.
Speaking of dessert...I did indulge a bit but nowhere near the amount I used to. I'd also like to note that my Mum, who was my most formidable enabler, pulled the big Easter cake from the counter to preparation for my visit! This is unheard of in this house! She would usually have it cut and waiting on the counter for my arrival. This was the best gift I've had for any Easter.
Taking a dedicated stance toward a positive lifestyle change is a great thing! You clean the cupboards, prepare healthy meals, schedule time for exercise, and work for something you truly enjoy: HEALTHIER LIVING. Don't let the view that you must "sacrifice" the biochemical con job that sugar provides derail you from enjoying your choices. Maybe those that bring desserts to the table will become more understanding of your situation provided you remain vigilant? In the meantime focus on how great you feel when you eat clean and play hard while remembering that nothing tastes sweeter than victory. Not even that donut I may or may not have found on the way home late last night-- Shoo doop-a-dooby doop, shoo doop-a-dooby doop...
Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!
JW
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)