American Nightmare, Runnin' Scared: Couch to 5K to Couch

True Believers,

Two months ago I "started" with the Couch to 5K app. In order to see what the program was like I opted to use the free version. The following is an account of my experience focusing on day one and where I am currently.

The weather was nearly perfect so I decided to get in some cardio while visiting my Mum in the Shire. When I dropped weight back in 2001-2002, regular walks were a part of my ritual and the country roads near my parents house were a great escape.Minus the bugs there were few issues to contend with and the time near the trees was more uplifting than hitting a track.

When time and energy weren't an issue, I'd also take relatively short cruises on my bike back then. Minimal traffic made conditions safe and usually the hills were the worst part. Bored with my usuall route, I opted one day for a straighter, more level path in hopes of getting in some additional distance. The choice ended up elevating my heart rate quite a bit more than anticipated!

One thing about country living is that it is relativiely care free. There is plenty of space and the noise of the city gets replaced by peace and quiet. With all that room to roam people often let there dogs loose on their property. The huffing of a fat man on a bike is a welcoming sound to doggies who are bored and protective.

On my bike ride I heard the chorus of the hounds kick in. Since I could tell by the tone that they were hounds I figured that they were probably chained since most hunters fear losing their prized hunting partners. I was wrong in this case.

As I cleared the tree line I could see the house setting back off the road. The attached garage door was open and there was a car inside so I figured someone was home. As I looked closer I spotted two dogs slowly coming around the corner. I stopped and stared for a second then continued to pedal. And the game was on.
They immediately bolted after me! Even on a bike my fat arse isn't that fast so before they cleared the property I clumsily unsaddled from the bike. This didn't stop them so I stood behind my bike using it as a shield. They circled and growled as I continued this rediculous dance and wondered what my next step would be. They both began trying to aggresively approach from different sides and I was growing tired of the interaction. The usual commands were of no use, "Awww who's a good boy" baby talk wasn't working which sucks because I like dags.

 I feared we were going to have to get slightly physical. About the time one was near breeching my personal space, the shirtless hilbilly that owned them yelled for them. Thanks, buddy! How long did you watch beforre you decided to yell? They retreated and so did I! Ne'er to tread tire again in the Shire.

Why tell that story about biking you ask? Because it relates directly to both my lack of memory and my first country run.

Usually when we are scared or threatened we remember the circumstances and do what we can to avoid them. Bored with my usual route, I opted for a more challenging path with some hills and new scenery in hopes of getting in some more distance...you see where this is going.

As I walked up the slight hill the Couch to 5K app timer was winding up the five minute warm up. Metallica's "Am I Evil" was just kicking in and I was totally stoked to kick off my first 30 second run interval! Passing the tree line, I started to experience an oddly familiar feeling. And then I heard a deep, much shorter, bark. This wasn't a hunting buddy hound, it was a gaurd dog. More specifically it was a very large Rottweiler. And he wasn't alone.

No sooner did the two dogs stand up and look did the Cto5K app chime with the lovely voice that said "run". Believe me, I've not wanted to run that much in YEARS! Knowing that doggies love the chase, I opted to switch sides of the road, pick up a small tree branch, and calmly walk back to whence I came. They didn't follow.

Unfortunately consistency didn't follow either. I'm way behind my training schedule for the Warrior Dash which is three weeks away. The following are my excuses: work, work, heat index, apathy, and a dislike for running.

I really wanted to run this race with my nephew who passed away in April but it's just not the same. The thought of doing a 5k obstacle run in this kind of heat and humidity we are experiencing also seems unappealing. I'm playing it by ear.

At least I'm on a two day streak of being cupcake free...pathetic, I know. 78 days without a donut. I'm working on a no substitutions policy to my sugar vices...

It's not the needle, it's the spoon that kills when you are a food addict. Time to stop forking myself over!

Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW

Missing: My Intensity

True Believers,

It took me a while to realize that the cause of my lack of progress in so many areas is due to my lack of belief in my own inner voice. Lately I've allowed that voice to be influenced by the comfort of past success.

Over the past six months I stopped listening to my inner Bobby Knight because frankly, compliments and praise are soothing to a false ego. Words became the new sugar.

This bled over into my nutrition. I stopped believing my situation and weight wasn't so bad. And while improvement was made, it still doesn't change the fact that my mass is unhealthy.

The new health habits that I embraced were shaken apart by a personal family tragedy and a financial setback. As the compliments soothed, so did unhealthy food.

The decision to advance out of debt by moving my business to the next level also limited funds, but the bottom line is that I quit on myself.

I started to believe that my goals and expectations in life were unrealistic. This extends to several other personal areas.
"Relax, be gentler about the process", "You can only do so much", "It won't hurt you to enjoy things a little". Bullshit. I call bullshit on that and the way I reacted.

My inner voice gave those demands for a reason -- I need to be pushed beyond my comfort levels! Complacency is a stagnate death. And lately I've been slowly dying.

Addicts are addicts because they cannot comprehend moderation. I am a sugar addict. The ban on donuts got replaced with multiple cupcake runs. Again, I am seeking comfort when what I need is strife.

My body changed because it was thrust into a position that was do or die. My mentality followed and so did progress.

My unfulfilled ego became sated with compliments and my desire faded. People always say that ego doesn't matter but I'm here to tell you it means everything.

When the ego is in check then all is well in my world-- all cylinders fire and compliment nor criticism mean anything more than the other. The harmony of the inner voice aligned with a clear vision of what must be done are the only thing you need.

This does not mean one should not seek wise council because you should absolutely seek wisdom from the masters.
When you become divided in your attention, the issue of clarity from within becomes suspect. The reason I got in this mess to begin with is because I failed to trust myself, and those who clearly saw through my own bullshit.

Due to personal resins I dropped my mantra of "Private Pyle must die". Now, along with my sorely missed inner fire, I'm picking it back up with a vengeance.

And I welcome, with humility, the challenge by any that said it couldn't be done, knowing that much of the work is done in quiet solitude without any ego stroke.

Private Pyle must die a swift death. And to the mythical red-haired girl -- you ain't as far out of my reach as everyone seems to think.

Plant the seeds, water and nurture them, but understand that growth is stress.

Get moving, ever forward, one step beyond.
JW