In Search of Zen

For the first time since I cannot remember, my bed is cleared of all laundry and properly made up. Depression manifests for me in clutter and the winter blues followed by my nephew's suicide beat me down hard. To some affect the latter is still taking a toll. 

 

As the Warrior Dash approached my depression grew; I wanted to run it with my nephew and that was no longer possible. The negative mindset manifested this week and I slipped in the locker room after a pool session and smacked my knee, which wrenched under me, into the tile. With a knot the size of a goose egg and no medical insurance, there was no way in hell I was going to attempt to run it. 

Every mile I didn't run this summer was too easily soothed by junk food -- specifically cupcakes. The positive reinforcement wheel was busted. Grief followed by binges of junk led to physically feeling like hell again. This just kept on cycling until I finally started to feel like I wanted to physically feel healthy again. Which I do. A solid 14lbs were put back on since April and I'm a bit pissed at myself. Mad enough to do something about it. 

We're slowly starting to have more good days than bad; I broke down and cleaned my kitchen first and finally started using it again. As simple as my culinary skills may be, I find it cathartic to prep more than baggies of protein powder. Clean up still sucks but I'm developing a habit of washing dishes and utensils immediately. Mr. Mess oddly finds his shiny and clean stainless steel sink pleasing. 

This is a good sign. For months there were things you ought not have to witness going on in that sink. I spotted a miniature Sleestak colony forming in there and fled for higher ground. 

Organization has always been an area in my life that needs improvement so I enlisted a friend to help. I will tell you that if you suck at something, seek out someone who doesn't suck at that something and get help. Knowing your strengths and outsourcing your weaknesses is good for this business of life. 

 The large closet is now dubbed the Little Room studio/office/treasure room. Desk, most comics and collectibles, and office crap is almost all in. This is the first blog transmitting from the new room, it's quite cozy in here! Now I gotta shuffle the other stuff where? Ah, apartment life!

After a year and a half I'm finally unpacking from the debacle in Louisville which included a move home to deal with Pop's coma and subsequent passing. 

Most of my life I've felt like a leaf being spun about in the wind but I think I'll settle a spell here by the water and make this place a home...for now. Wedding contracts for summer 2014 are already starting to roll in :) And my site should launch hopefully before my birthday. 

I'll be writing soon about a friend who has done AMAZING since our first reality show casting call so stay tuned. 

Until next time- keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!

JW

American Nightmare, Runnin' Scared: Couch to 5K to Couch

True Believers,

Two months ago I "started" with the Couch to 5K app. In order to see what the program was like I opted to use the free version. The following is an account of my experience focusing on day one and where I am currently.

The weather was nearly perfect so I decided to get in some cardio while visiting my Mum in the Shire. When I dropped weight back in 2001-2002, regular walks were a part of my ritual and the country roads near my parents house were a great escape.Minus the bugs there were few issues to contend with and the time near the trees was more uplifting than hitting a track.

When time and energy weren't an issue, I'd also take relatively short cruises on my bike back then. Minimal traffic made conditions safe and usually the hills were the worst part. Bored with my usuall route, I opted one day for a straighter, more level path in hopes of getting in some additional distance. The choice ended up elevating my heart rate quite a bit more than anticipated!

One thing about country living is that it is relativiely care free. There is plenty of space and the noise of the city gets replaced by peace and quiet. With all that room to roam people often let there dogs loose on their property. The huffing of a fat man on a bike is a welcoming sound to doggies who are bored and protective.

On my bike ride I heard the chorus of the hounds kick in. Since I could tell by the tone that they were hounds I figured that they were probably chained since most hunters fear losing their prized hunting partners. I was wrong in this case.

As I cleared the tree line I could see the house setting back off the road. The attached garage door was open and there was a car inside so I figured someone was home. As I looked closer I spotted two dogs slowly coming around the corner. I stopped and stared for a second then continued to pedal. And the game was on.
They immediately bolted after me! Even on a bike my fat arse isn't that fast so before they cleared the property I clumsily unsaddled from the bike. This didn't stop them so I stood behind my bike using it as a shield. They circled and growled as I continued this rediculous dance and wondered what my next step would be. They both began trying to aggresively approach from different sides and I was growing tired of the interaction. The usual commands were of no use, "Awww who's a good boy" baby talk wasn't working which sucks because I like dags.

 I feared we were going to have to get slightly physical. About the time one was near breeching my personal space, the shirtless hilbilly that owned them yelled for them. Thanks, buddy! How long did you watch beforre you decided to yell? They retreated and so did I! Ne'er to tread tire again in the Shire.

Why tell that story about biking you ask? Because it relates directly to both my lack of memory and my first country run.

Usually when we are scared or threatened we remember the circumstances and do what we can to avoid them. Bored with my usual route, I opted for a more challenging path with some hills and new scenery in hopes of getting in some more distance...you see where this is going.

As I walked up the slight hill the Couch to 5K app timer was winding up the five minute warm up. Metallica's "Am I Evil" was just kicking in and I was totally stoked to kick off my first 30 second run interval! Passing the tree line, I started to experience an oddly familiar feeling. And then I heard a deep, much shorter, bark. This wasn't a hunting buddy hound, it was a gaurd dog. More specifically it was a very large Rottweiler. And he wasn't alone.

No sooner did the two dogs stand up and look did the Cto5K app chime with the lovely voice that said "run". Believe me, I've not wanted to run that much in YEARS! Knowing that doggies love the chase, I opted to switch sides of the road, pick up a small tree branch, and calmly walk back to whence I came. They didn't follow.

Unfortunately consistency didn't follow either. I'm way behind my training schedule for the Warrior Dash which is three weeks away. The following are my excuses: work, work, heat index, apathy, and a dislike for running.

I really wanted to run this race with my nephew who passed away in April but it's just not the same. The thought of doing a 5k obstacle run in this kind of heat and humidity we are experiencing also seems unappealing. I'm playing it by ear.

At least I'm on a two day streak of being cupcake free...pathetic, I know. 78 days without a donut. I'm working on a no substitutions policy to my sugar vices...

It's not the needle, it's the spoon that kills when you are a food addict. Time to stop forking myself over!

Until next time, keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!
JW

Missing: My Intensity

True Believers,

It took me a while to realize that the cause of my lack of progress in so many areas is due to my lack of belief in my own inner voice. Lately I've allowed that voice to be influenced by the comfort of past success.

Over the past six months I stopped listening to my inner Bobby Knight because frankly, compliments and praise are soothing to a false ego. Words became the new sugar.

This bled over into my nutrition. I stopped believing my situation and weight wasn't so bad. And while improvement was made, it still doesn't change the fact that my mass is unhealthy.

The new health habits that I embraced were shaken apart by a personal family tragedy and a financial setback. As the compliments soothed, so did unhealthy food.

The decision to advance out of debt by moving my business to the next level also limited funds, but the bottom line is that I quit on myself.

I started to believe that my goals and expectations in life were unrealistic. This extends to several other personal areas.
"Relax, be gentler about the process", "You can only do so much", "It won't hurt you to enjoy things a little". Bullshit. I call bullshit on that and the way I reacted.

My inner voice gave those demands for a reason -- I need to be pushed beyond my comfort levels! Complacency is a stagnate death. And lately I've been slowly dying.

Addicts are addicts because they cannot comprehend moderation. I am a sugar addict. The ban on donuts got replaced with multiple cupcake runs. Again, I am seeking comfort when what I need is strife.

My body changed because it was thrust into a position that was do or die. My mentality followed and so did progress.

My unfulfilled ego became sated with compliments and my desire faded. People always say that ego doesn't matter but I'm here to tell you it means everything.

When the ego is in check then all is well in my world-- all cylinders fire and compliment nor criticism mean anything more than the other. The harmony of the inner voice aligned with a clear vision of what must be done are the only thing you need.

This does not mean one should not seek wise council because you should absolutely seek wisdom from the masters.
When you become divided in your attention, the issue of clarity from within becomes suspect. The reason I got in this mess to begin with is because I failed to trust myself, and those who clearly saw through my own bullshit.

Due to personal resins I dropped my mantra of "Private Pyle must die". Now, along with my sorely missed inner fire, I'm picking it back up with a vengeance.

And I welcome, with humility, the challenge by any that said it couldn't be done, knowing that much of the work is done in quiet solitude without any ego stroke.

Private Pyle must die a swift death. And to the mythical red-haired girl -- you ain't as far out of my reach as everyone seems to think.

Plant the seeds, water and nurture them, but understand that growth is stress.

Get moving, ever forward, one step beyond.
JW

Raging ADHD or Raging BS?

True Believers!

The journey to health goes far beyond my addiction to donuts, cake, and lovely red-haired girls. It is an all encompassing path to liberation of the mind as well as the body. I saw an article link on Facebook this morning to a story on ADHD being a fictitious disease and made a statement toward it that I want to share.

"And those with an actual stream of consciousness are labeled as "diseased". Between big pharmacy and religion your government doesn't have to lift a finger to make you a slave; your own naivety and the need to see yourself as flawed are the chains that bind you. The only arms you need to bear in defense are your thoughts but you have willfully surrendered them."

Some of you may be offended by this statement. I debated a bit about posting it here for concern over alienating the readership due to the mention of the two things that shan't be mentioned without getting people up in a tuft: politics and religion.

If you are offended, ask yourself, why?

If you mistook this for a conspiracy theory jab, check again.

What I want to add to this is the fact that I believe, due to my own personal experiences, that a plethora of our societal ills can be fixed with two basic things: nutrition and exercise/physical activity.

Now that I have your attention and have possibly invoked feelings on topics you may be strongly about, I ask that you these questions:

What are you doing today to improve your life and health?

What difference are you making for the lives of your children by helping improve their life and health?

Working for a living isn't an acceptable answer because that alone ain't working to improve, it's simply maintaining or falling behind for many of us.

How are we going to improve if we aren't willing to keep moving ever forward one step beyond?

With Passion,
JW

The Secret Of My Success: Donut Miss This Blog!

DONUT TRY THIS DIET AT HOME

True Believers! A year ago I would have been the last person one would expect to ask about health or fitness. As the pounds dropped people took notice. Two of the most frequent questions are: A. What "diet" are you on? and B. What type of training do you do? This video will answer all of your questions!

19 days down, 416 to go until I beat my self imposed streak of not eating a donut. Challenging C.M. Punk's 434 day title reign was the mental trigger I chose to put them down. The problem is that I have subbed in cake and ice cream; the latter of which always rears it's delicious head when the warm weather sets in. Thankfully summer is relatively a short season in these parts! I'm going to add cake to this list soon. Ice cream should probably join cake on the list...one vice at a time? Weddings and your birthday should be the only occasions for cake anyway, right?

And it's not easy, folks. The donuts can literally roll out of nowhere from the strangest places! This was taken outside the famous Kiedrowski's Simply Delicious Bakery. Don't click that link if you are within a 50 mile radius of Amherst, Ohio because you will want to stop whatever it is that you are doing and drive there! My arm was twisted into two maple pecan Danishes while I was there and they were SPECTACULAR. Shout out to my buddy, Casie aka Pretty Poison, who is known to haunt Kiedrowski's but wasn't there during my visit. She's a fellow baked goods and comic book/superhero/Star Wars junkie who looks far better in an R2D2 bikini than I do.

If you are going to indulge, which we all do from time to time, then I strongly urge you to BUY LOCAL! The quality is superior and it also helps sustain your community. And now I feel less shame for my pastry sins this weekend.

The real secret is maintaining insulin levels and not spiking them. Clean eating, lots of protein, very little to no processed foods. Weight lifting or resistance training BEFORE cardio. This is what works. Lately my sugar creep in has become an avalanche and I'm working through the mental end of this because physically I'm still seeking out sugar. I'll go more into nutrition that actually works for you later but in the meantime just Google the term Paleo Lifestyle. It is important to note that I'm a VORACIOUS omnomnomnivore with highly carnivorous tendencies. All vegan talk will be dismissed with prejudice. I appreciate your compassion but my lust for flesh and blood is just too strong.

I am curious though...What is working or not working for you? Comment away.

The next edition will be on my ongoing identity crisis. Until then keep moving forward one step beyond!

JW

Reality Really Bites Part 3: Up The Creek, Just Down River

True Believers!

It's been a while but I'm not the kind of guy to write just to hear my fingers peck on a keyboard. I do want to share with you yet ANOTHER casting experience I had with Biggest Loser last weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Three weeks ago my employer received a call from someone claiming to be the casting director for the Biggest Loser Cincinnati event. She asked if any of our customers or employees would be interested in attending. The offer was extended as a cross promotion and all she would need were email addresses and contact info. All of this seemed legit since the name matched and our demographic could benefit. Without hesitation I offered contact info for myself and a friend who encouraged me to attend despite my lack of success last season.

I immediately messaged my buddy to tell him we had passes to jump ahead of the line! Could the same stars that aligned last year be realigning to FINALLY get me the shot at $250,000? We were beginning to believe.

The week before my friend and I had a falling out about similarities between the content of our videos. Pedro, if you are reading this, I ain't mad Bro. hopefully the recounting of what went down will make you feel better about your decision to not attend.

I emailed the director asking for protocol to advance in the line. This person told me to "arrive at 3pm and my name would be on the list". Now I've been the man WITH the list before for much of my life in music so I took the word as good. Since I no longer had a partner to share gas and lodging expenses I opted to wait until the morning of the casting to travel so I could avoid a hotel bill. This is of course because I fully expected to have to stay over for a callback on Sunday. See, I still have that positive, borderline arrogant, spirit that I thought faded!

Great time was made on the drive; I even spotted a coyote standing along side the highway. In many native cultures the coyote represents the trickster. The thought made me chuckle. What could possibly go wrong?  I had front of line privileges AGAIN, and an even better video story than last year! In it to win it.

 I took one of my largest outfits and put it on over top my clothes in preparation for a big reveal during the expected two minutes of roundtable for these types of casting events. I had my speech promo mapped out in my head and i was ready to unload and show the world that it was my time!

"Hi, (insert casting director's name) has me on her list, I was told to arrive at 3pm"
"You aren't on the list"

What.the.frack. Here I am, holding up pants that are 20 sizes too big, wearing what looks like a giant red clown jacket, trying to pull the "surely you must be mistaken" card. He wasn't mistaken, I WASN'T ON THE LIST!

Having been the keeper of the list for more events than most will ever attend, I kept calm. I then produced the email and showed it to him. I told him that I was a callback last season and that I'd been through the process before. When I told him there is no reason in hell I'd show up at 3PM! without instruction to do so knowing how big the line would be that late in the day. He informed me that I wasn't the only one who was in the situation; there was a scam going around and there were others that got through earlier that shouldn't have passed.

I didn't give the man any guff, I merely held onto my clown pants and headed back to the end of a line that was 2,000 people deep at 3:15pm. He assured me he would check into it and come back for me. I've used that line before, I know the score...

Part of my trip included meeting up with an old roller derby friend and announcing partner to take in my first post-retirement from announcing duty bout. I was looking forward to enjoying the sport with my friend who also left the broadcast booth last year. From the end of a still growing line I sent a text informing him of the situation and that I would be trapped in line and couldn't make it. Oh, hello coyote, you were actually an omen this morning!

After the third pass to count the growing line, the gentleman with the list made good on his word. Not only did he check on me, he PULLED ME TO THE FRONT! Clearly he knew that all in Olympus had sent me there to save the fat portion of the human race, I mused as I struggled to walk the line and hold up my old size 66 khakis.

This was it! Go time. I'd even paced out my promo and had it right about the two minute mark.. I was informed once inside the Planet Fitness where the actually casting screenings were happening, that due to the amount of attendees we would only have 30 seconds. Huh? Really? 30 seconds? So much for my great promo. I mean, I can tell you how great I am but it'd take more than 30 seconds to scratch the surface of that greatness!

It went. That's about all I can say about that. They asked what our greatest challenge was outside of our weight was and I went OFF! My 30 seconds was some great heel promo about how it was ridiculous to consider that question because EVERYTHING challenging revolved around my weight. My time was brief but I let it loose on them and I feel great for doing it my way. I still think my villainous self would be more watchable than a bunch of crybabies any day. Apparently they haven't come around to that idea.

We were all thanked and dismissed with the instruction that callbacks would be made by 10pm. I did make the bout in time! The first half of a double header was enjoyed track side and I loved the experience of being just a fan! Of course I'm a fan of the sport but it was great to not have to work the call.After 7:30 my phone didn't leave my hand. by just after 8pm my phone was almost dead. There was no way I would possibly miss my callback so I said my fare wells and went to my truck to charge my phone. Of course I'd have to wait around til 10pm so I could get instructions for my callback, right? The Cincinnati Rollergirls always put on a great event so it made it even harder to split early. I stopped at the merchandise booth and picked up a shirt to support the league. This is something I LOVE doing now that I'm no longer too fat to be a fan!

Nope. 10:00 pm and the phone never rang.In search of satisfaction I decided to head to Terry's Turf Club and take in arguably the best burger the city had to offer, no bun of course. It was top of the line and if you are ever in Cincy, get there before midnight and enjoy!

All in all I got something I needed out of this trip on multiple levels. It was a minute out of town which I desperately needed. A solid vacation is still needed but we're still in financial limbo so that'll have to wait. What I needed most was my spark. The rough winter and everything else really took it out of me. When I hit that line and I saw so many people struggling with the same issues it made me really appreciate my progress. Then I saw some of them stepping out of line and shoving cigarettes into their over 400lb faces it made me realize that the boat I'm in ain't so bad. In comparison to the one they are in, mine seems like a yacht with a flag on the top that says "chillin' the most". Yes, I quoted Kid Rock. Why? Because he has one of the strongest work ethics in his business. And after seeing the defeat on the faces of those people in line, I realized just how strong my work ethic was and just how much I was neglecting it.

I'm back.

Hi, my name is J.W., I'm 37 soon to be 38 years old and I now weigh 392lbs. This is my wake up call. This will make sense once I post my casting video which will happen very soon. Until we meet again, keep moving forward one step beyond!

Yours in burgers without buns (and half the fries, I prefer tots),

J.W. aka the highlight of Monday night.

Thank You, Charles Ramsey

Can we get the Superman logo replaced with a "C" and make a commemorative #believeintheCLE shirt to raise funds to get Charles Ramsey a sweet reward? Let's make this happen!

In Bloom: The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow?

True Believers,

It's been a while since I've written but there has been a lot on my mind as of late. The loss of my nephew took a lot out of me and I'm still reeling from it. During the course of my absence from writing I've been struggling with my own weight related identity issues and depression. I want to address some of them here openly because there may be someone out there reading this who needs to know that they are not as alone as they may think. This is my free form of mental health care.

A big contributor to my bouts with the black dog as of late have of course been financial. Getting slammed for over $400 in traffic court fines really set me back -- it was a slide through a red light in a white out, no accident for crying out loud!!!

Recent pay restructuring at work has also led to an average loss of roughly $80 a month in wages. I've pared down my enjoyment spending quite a bit and it sucks.It's not at the cat food for dinner? level so there is hope.

 As a result I now find myself without any type of gym membership whatsoever for the first time since I started my journey. A membership has provided me with refuge through the loss of my stepfather, teaching career change, multiple health scares from an ailing Mum and of course the natural brutality of a Cleveland winter. Thanks in part to wintry conditions and a notoriously merciless traffic judge, I now lack the funds to maintain my refuge. This still really bothers me and I have to find something soon aside from walking/trying to jog.

This winter lingered far too long! A scene from a morning walk in March.

My depression peaks seasonally. This winter in particular was difficult because I've really been struggling with the old habits of Private Pyle; my generally high self confidence has waned and I've been making late night binge runs to the 24 hour grocery store on a regular basis. It's almost as if I can't grasp the direction in which I was heading and I'm finding it easier to re-route back to the old me. It's incredibly frustrating. Despite these hurdles I've maintained nutrition tracking so I can reflect upon the garbage I'm putting in my system. If I get to the point where I'm not doing that or lying then I know it's time to call in a professional. The thought of counseling has entered my mind but alas I'm uninsured like many Americans and cannot afford it. Per the suggestion of a friend I'm considering attending an Over-eaters Anonymous group. I will openly admit I'm not a fan of 12 step programs but I'm willing to give it a try.

I received a message from my support group leader, Dr. Ray, that asked if someone were to look into your car would they think that a healthy or fit person was the driver. I cringed when I read it! I'm a messy Marvin by nature. My tendencies during peak bouts of depression lend to a complete disregard for housekeeping, especially when it comes to clothes. This situation, combined with the fact that we've seen weather days in the 80 degree range followed by snow the following day have made the mess even worse! When you add the fact that I'm still holding on to clothing that is WAY too big you get a disaster. Here it is folks, in living color...the mess that was my room.

80 and sunny out today with chance of snow tomorrow! 

I can hear it now: "CLEAN YOUR ROOM!" Don't worry, I did. And it helped lift my spirits immensely. The weather has finally broken and that is helping quite a bit. I finally started the Couch to 5K program in preparation for the Warrior Dash in August. And my really fat kid clothing has been bagged up and most of it donated. Some was sold since I needed cash; it was relatively new and I found a consignment store that deals with big men's clothing. Now I really need to clean my kitchen and take a better interest in prepping...baby step into the kitchen, baby step to the sink...I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful...

There is something else I want to mention. Despite the major bummer of not making the casting cut for The Biggest Loser last year, I've decided to give it another go. The video editing and new sequences have put my lack of progress into perspective. The casting is this Saturday in Cincinnati. Afterword I plan on taking in my first roller derby bout as a spectator since leaving the announce booth! I'll let you know how it turns out but for now I gotta make like a banana and split! We have to find something that fits properly to wear to a casting call. Any suggestions? Anyone you know going to the May 11 casting?

Keep moving ever forward, one step beyond!

JW

P.S.
At midnight I'll be one week DONUT FREE! Now if I can shuffle away from cake I'll be ok.
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My Gloves Are Still Up

True Believers, my absence from writing is not something I will go into too great of detail about here. Recently my family suffered a tragic loss; my dear nephew took his own life on April 8, 2013. It's hard to process it and I can't say that I'll walk away from this the same man I was. What I will say is that I'm looking for light amidst this darkness. I'm not a man of any religious affiliation nor do I have any intention of seeking solace in any scriptures so I ask that you spare me any messages or remarks of that nature.

Most of my usual operations have ceased for a bit while I try and pull it together. My own personal battle with depression was beating me down due to the winter that wouldn't go away. Internally I've not been myself for some time and the most prevalent indicator has been my nutrition and my attitude toward making healthy choices. If you ask me on any given day I'll most likely tell you that I'm an ass kicking machine when it comes to anything I'm passionate about- comic books, the endless pursuit of redheads who grace magazine covers, wrasslin', trivia. and weight loss. My general attitude is brazenly confident, outgoing, and overly positive. Lately that version of me has been AWOL and Private Pyle has been the dominant mentality.

My nephew was an inspiration to me. His childhood wasn't the easiest and I watched him overcome so many obstacles. He was among the first close to me to undergo a body transformation that wowed me and gave me an AHA! moment. We both shared a love for MMA and oddly enough it was the following clip of UFC great, Chael Sonnen, that gave me a much needed revelation about my situation beyond the immediate grief I'm wading through: Failure is always an option. Please take a minute to watch the link.

The same rationale can be applied to life. It's hard to own up to the societal and self imposed view that opening up about one's feelings or seeking help is a sign of weakness. There is always a fear in my mind that those who look up to me or rely on me will be let down. Job, relationship, friends, family all have expectations based upon the roles you fill with each. As men we are supposed to be self sufficient and tough as nails on all fronts, right? I'm here to admit I'm wrong about that.

Part of the reason I started to open up about my experience through this process is because I wanted to help others who are going through a similar situation. The point of continuing my work is to improve my situation on all fronts- better health, healthier relationships and greater manifestations of opportunities to grow as a person. We all fight our own battles and must learn to walk away from a loss and learn from it.

My grief is turning to anger over this situation, which, in my view is progress. Apathy got me into plenty of messes and anger was the impetus that helped me get out of them. My heart is heavy and so is my ass due to all my recent grief and depression eating. It's time to pick up the pieces and get back to work. It's time for me to reach through and make a true believer out of myself again. This will be easier once I decide on which identity I want to embrace. Tune into the next blog later this week on the struggle of identity.

Until next time keep moving ever forward, one step beyond.

JW

I'll Always remember you with your gloves up.

Always A Reverend, Never A Groom

True Believers! Spring is upon us! And with the arrival of the blossoms come the blooms of love. Ah, Spring! This is the start of wedding season; a desolate time of year when you are fat and alone. I realize weddings are at times stressful for everyone of all shapes and sizes but I just want to share my perspective from both the podium as a preacher and the flimsy folding chairs as a fat guy in attendance.

Always a Reverend, never a groom. This size 66 jacket became too small to button. I was waiting for the rain and my life to end.

As some of you know, I'm a wedding officiant here in Ohio. My ordainment goes back to 1996 and was issued through The Universal Life Church. The story about why I became ordained is reserved for face to face chat so I'll tell you about it if you ask...maybe. It wasn't until 2003 that I considered and began performing marriage services. This came about purely out of necessity to serve friends in need; a co-worker wanted to wed his long time partner and neither belonged to a church or wanted a courthouse ceremony. Can you blame them? Court is an awful, awful place. Did I mention that the fines, court costs, parking tickets, and lot fees to fight my last ticket totaled $476?

When you are fat and single fewer things are worse than getting a wedding invitation.Yes, this is true for us guys too. Everyone shows up wearing their best and their clothes actually fit. Couples hold each other a bit closer and some dream of their turn at walking down that aisle. Children, flowers, tears of joy, open bars, and CAKE! I guess weddings aren't that bad for fat loners, I mean free booze AND cake? Don't think me to be ungrateful for the invites, think of this more as a moment of honesty from a friend. Relationships are tough, marriage can be a lot of work, but single life in your thirties ain't no picnic.

You have to find something to wear, search through registries and buy a gift, and maybe even be forced into pictures -- good grief! The worst part is knowing you have the capacity to care and not being able to get a date that is concerned with anything beyond an open bar or showing mercy upon your miserable bloated soul. At least these are the thoughts that ran through my head and I'm sure I'm not alone on this, am I? I can't be the only person who has ever buckled a folding reception chair, can I?

 Can you guess who is single in this photo?

As an officiant the roles were somewhat reversed. I don't have to buy a gift, I can wear the same suit, AND it's expected that I don't show up with a date! Did I mention FREE CAKE?! It would seem like a win-win situation. I even get a check, cash is preferred of course, to appear and provide the service. This isn't such a bad deal.

Over the years I'v been honored to perform weddings for some of my dearest friends. Sharing in their big days has provided me with some of my fondest memories. At the same time it's been an emotional process that has also been among the more painful experiences at times. Seeing all of your closest friends off into wedded bliss knowing that you are doomed to be alone due to your weight hurts. It got to the point that it hurt so much that I nearly stopped doing weddings all together a couple of years ago.

At my highest weight it was even painful to physically stand through a ceremony. I never want to feel that way again.

                                                 
My feelings towards weddings have changed quite a bit since the transformation. It's slightly less painful to be seen in photographs since dropping 160 excess pounds. The feelings of hopelessness have lightened. If I had to pinpoint the ceremony that was a turning point it would be my dear friend and long time music collaborator's wedding this past October. She has taken up a healthier lifestyle herself and finally found the love of her life. This wedding in particular choked me up like no other -- for once I finally began to see the possibility of being in a state of mind to embrace the possibility of finding love!

 Instead of looking at the outside of myself as I had done my whole life, I was able to see love within my being. I was finally taking care of my body and it showed. The outer appearance was now starting to resemble the love I'd shown myself by improving my health! The night became a celebration of life and love that I actually felt comfortable enjoying! Normally at a close friends wedding I would have been three sheets to the wind before the  meal was served. This night was different; I was nearing my one year anniversary of becoming straight edge and I couldn't have been happier to NOT have alcohol! Did I mention I only had one piece of cake? Maybe two? It was two and they were spectacular! It was a beautiful evening in so many ways.

A recent connection via another friend and wedding professional has motivated me to pick up the practice again with a full head of steam. My passion for bringing people together has been rekindled! With a renewed outlook on life I look forward with  to bringing couples from all walks of life together while taking up less space in the photos! And as a wedding guest the probability of wedding dates outside those with friends out of consolation or charity. Even though my bleak attitude towards relationships has lifted considerably I'm still convinced I'll remain single for quite some time. Perpetual bachelorhood isn't so bad when you are happy with who you are and I'm becoming happier both inside and out. Additionally, it would take one hell of a red-haired fireball for me to ever consider walking that aisle and standing on the other side of the altar. Did I ever mention I love a challenge?

If you or someone you know is in need of a wedding officiant in Ohio, please contact me! Thanks for reading! Please share with anyone you know who is battling with weight related or body image issues. And until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!

JW

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Back To Whence I Came

Fear not, True Believers! The title of this post does not imply that Private Pyle won an we will be retreating back to the "before" portion of the new before & after pic. This is a tale of friendship and synchronicity that emerged out of a situation that has been a thorn in my side for a while.

In early March I put forth a battle plan to improve myself. Right around that time I also acquired a lovely ticket for allegedly running a red light in a snow storm or possibly sliding through a yellow while deftly maneuvering out of the intersection to avoid obstructing the flow of traffic. This being a second minor traffic offense within one year meant I could not mail in the waiver. This also carried the possibility of a maximum of 30 days in jail.

No one goes to jail on these stupid tickets, I realize this. All I wanted was a chance to plead my case and stand down the accusation. The judge, who is notoriously a hard nose against traffic tickets, was in NO mood to hear anyone who wasn't an attorney for my pretrial two weeks ago. I begrudgingly, yet respectfully, asked for a continuance to seek legal counsel.; my reluctance stemming from the fact that a public defender in that particular session invoked nothing but rage from the bench. My cortisol levels have been elevated lately to say the least.


My phone went off  a couple days ago- a fitness friend I made along the way sent a text message and said that "the pool ain't the same without you". We used to schedule early morning workouts and I always did my best to make them. This in turn helped hold him accountable for showing up. He's been battling restart issues, a pilonidal cyst that required emergency surgery, and his old nutritional habits lately but seems to have his head back in the game. Since I parted ways with the old gym I haven't seen him but we still touch base from time to time. I felt humbled by our conversation when he asked if I would join him at the gym again.

I told him that I could barely afford the $125 membership I had and that there was no way to do both. My plan involved 3-4 WODs per week and I really wanted to stick to plan. He asked if I would return to the gym and extended the offer to pick up my membership saying it would be worth the motivation to him to have me around. I was floored but to proud to accept the offer.


After being reassured by wise counsel that the "30 day threat" was usually just that, I calmed a bit. When I was told that I could get the max of $250 in  addition to $160 in court costs that are automatically assessed for non-waiverable offenses I almost had a stroke! To top it off I earned two parking violations during my courthouse visits because I didn't have the cash to pay the inflated parking costs over the cheaper meters. This was an additional $65 in funds I don't have! This was getting too expensive to fight so I have to swallow my pride and plead hopefully to a lesser charge in spite of knowing it's a bunch of MALARKEY. I am a criminal who steals time and space! No parking spots are safe while I roam the streets!

All this comes right near the first of the month. Rent, bills, fines for crimes against time and space, and CrossFit membership all come due along with the rest of this highway robbery. Part of my battle plan centered around WODs. What I love about CrossFit is the fact that you get to play hard. Dropping weights during cleans, snatches, etc. is frowned upon in many gyms including the one I used to belong to. At the box Oly lifts, ball slams, and wall balls are more common than the lines of cardio reading stations that bore us all to tears.

 Even though I have some bumper plates and live on the first floor of my building it's not feasible to attempt Oly style lifts in my cramped apartment. With all of this extra debt I have to forego CrossFit for at least a month to recoup the loss to the city. To say I'm pissed is an understatement. I wish this were an April Fools joke but it's not.

Fitness can be achieved nearly anywhere and you don't need a gym membership to do this. The big reason I maintain one is because it holds me accountable because there is an applied monetary value I don't want to waste. I still have plenty I can do but I now would have fewer tools to use. Wah, wah, excuses, excuses. But wait! There was a possible solution right at my fingertips?

I sent a text back explaining the circumstances and asked if the offer still stood. Thankfully, it did. Later today I'm meeting my buddy for lunch and he's signing me back in for April. This means I have to venture away from my newly found CrossFit home for a bit and that sucks. In their honor I will take the insight and intensity gained doing CrossFit with me into the the "outside" gym. I can't use the term "Globogym" because it's not a chain and is also a rehabilitation health facility.

I'll do my best to not drop any barbells but I ain't making that a promise. It'll be nice to see my old fitness family members while getting after it harder than ever!

The friends I'm making on this new path never cease to amaze me. Positive attitudes can spread just as fast as negativity if you let them. Sometimes when the Universe throws you a curve you have to adjust your grip and change your swing a bit. This could have easily been an excuse to cease training but thanks to my buddy, Pedro, it isn't. Among friends in this fight we live to fight another day. Plus I still have a bunch of gift certificates that I won at the old gym that can be cashed in for swim lessons. There is that fitness bucket list and one of those goals requires swimming! Maybe one day I'll enjoying a beach without people trying to save me by pushing me back into the ocean...And onward we march, back into the pool, ever forward one step beyond!

JW

When The Love Is Real There Is No Sacrifice

True Believers! The following is a stream of consciousness rant addressing my hard wiring and how those wires sometimes get crossed. I tend to see duality in situations and ways of going about things and unfortunately don't always play the right side at the right moment when it comes to nutrition.

 A term we are all familiar with when it comes to fitness and nutrition is "sacrifice". In light of the holiday many are celebrating I would like to examine this term and how it can link to negative thought processes that lead to de-motivation derailment. What sacrifice are we actually making?

When I began my mindset was focused and my focus directed towards life.Better nutrition was a move toward a better quality of life. When I made the long drives to the pool I never once viewed it as a sacrifice of sort. This was something I wanted to do more than anything!

On occasion in the locker room I'd hear a someone boast about how much they gave up to get the abs and guns they were so proud of and I always wanted to call them out so I'll do it now- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of your six pack bro, but you need to get over yourself.

It's a trade off of effort for results. We could all be doing any number of things but we make the choice to live a lifestyle because it's what we want to do! Instead of looking at the arbitrary things that aren't related to your goal of fat loss that you could be doing, embrace what you are doing to meet and exceed your goals! The exchange of time and energy brings you more fulfillment than sitting around and getting fat. I loathe the term and the connotations associated with it when it comes to vanity.

The direction that has derailed me with this term is related to food. There wasn't much of a focus initially on personalizing my relationship with food so much as there was  a sense of owning my actions. Lately my viewpoint has changed for some reason, it feels sometimes as if I'm falling back into an abusive relationship! Late night loneliness has led to a visit here and there to local sugar shacks for some dirty snackin'. I know it's wrong but the sweetness is my weakness. Sometimes I self sabotage with the thought that I must sacrifice my relationship with sugar. You can almost hear a 50's doo-wop group crooning a break up song with every last donut I consume. Pathetic, I know.

So, self, I'm going to lay it out there just like I did to Mr. Meathead- YOU AREN'T SACRIFICING A THING! You are simply choosing to do something to gain results you enjoy. And maybe I'm a bit jelly of the six pack I don't have...yet.

There are a calendar full of indulgent days where family and friends fill themselves to the gills with carbs, sweets, booze, and the like. With a table set in the presence of your sweet enemies remember that your choices matter and they are YOUR choices. Just because you aren't overindulging like others doesn't mean you are an outcast, it just means you are doing your own thing. Doing your own thing can be a lonely path but you need to remember that you aren't alone -- there are plenty of other people facing similar table settings and pushing aside the pasta, potatoes, and desert.

Speaking of dessert...I did indulge a bit but nowhere near the amount I used to. I'd also like to note that my Mum, who was my most formidable enabler, pulled the big Easter cake from the counter to preparation for my visit! This is unheard of in this house! She would usually have it cut and waiting on the counter for my arrival. This was the best gift I've had for any Easter.

Taking a dedicated stance toward a positive lifestyle change is a great thing! You clean the cupboards, prepare healthy meals, schedule time for exercise, and work for something you truly enjoy: HEALTHIER LIVING. Don't let the view that you must "sacrifice" the biochemical con job that sugar provides derail you from enjoying your choices. Maybe those that bring desserts to the table will become more understanding of your situation provided you remain vigilant? In the meantime focus on how great you feel when you eat clean and play hard while remembering that nothing tastes sweeter than victory. Not even that donut I may or may not have found on the way home late last night-- Shoo doop-a-dooby doop, shoo doop-a-dooby doop...

Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!

JW

What's With the Name? and Bloggin' With The Devil

True Believers!  In a bold attempt to reign in my donut addiction I've taken to writing at least one of my weekly blogs from a donut shop! If I'm going to find my fire again I'm going to stare the demon straight in the eyes and refuse to indulge! Cheers to testing the will, so far no donuts were consumed during the creation of this blog entry. All blogs henceforth shall be written with the notation of A.D. which stands for after donuts.

 There are a plethora of blogs in this weight loss community. Many include words that are easily associated with terms we associate with fitness, fatness, and everything between. Some have even proven to be lucrative branding concepts that generate T-shirt sales and public appearances. Since the readership of this blog has increased lately I've been asked a few times about why I've chosen the name. Allow me to indulge you.

To say that I am a man-child would be accurate. One thing I continue to enjoy without shame, unlike donuts, is professional wrestling.Growing up in the golden era of wrestling brought so many fond memories for the childhood that was riddled with fat kid jokes that helped annihilate my self esteem. I imagined the ring to be the one place where I would reign supreme against all the skinny punks who laughed at my inability to wear pants that would cover my plumbers crack. Chuckle now, but when I hit my finishing move it will be curtains for you all!

 At one point I even entered the squared circle and "competed" for lack of a better word. I had a blast and even managed to win a couple of titles along the way. Size was the only thing I had working for me and all it did was work against me. I was outclassed by so many of the boys who trained extensively and felt it would be dishonorable to continue to take up a spot on a show roster just because I was a "500lb SPECTACLE!".

My Mum was concerned about my health due to the bruises of the business. Since my parents had recently moved out of state I spent many nights crashing with my best friends parents. My second Mom became worried after I could barely crawl out of bed to make it to the bathroom the day after a match. She had every right to worry; my lack of physical conditioning would have surely brought about an injury to either me or an opponent. I made a promise to her as she bravely battled Cancer that I'd quit that ole wrasslin' and I did. Eventually I returned as a commentator but my days in the ring are long gone even though I'd love to have one more match near my goal weight...

What isn't gone is my passion for the art of wrestling! Different locations around the world lend different twists to the sport. For instance, Mexico is known for a high flyingstyle known as Lucha libre. In Japan they are known for there hard hitting or "stiff" ring work known as Strong Style the first nod to my blog title. The "Hustle" part is attributed to the hard work involved with anything worth living for. It's also another wrasslin' business tip of the hat to a Mr. Paul Heyman and his blog page Heyman Hustle. Paul Heyman has cemented his name within a profession that he is extremely passionate about. Life is far too short to do anything else in my book and I hope that one day my hustle in this weight loss game can inspire more to change for the better. I should also note that just outside of Cleveland there is a mixed martial arts facility called Strong Style which I am not affiliated with. Perhaps one day I'll visit for a workout when I'm down around the 300 lb mark.

Pete Rose aka "Charlie Hustle" gets honorable mention because he played the game of baseball with intensity. We can agree to disagree on how you may feel about him personally but you can't take away what he brought when he played. He's also in the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame. No pun intended for his San Diego chicken costumed attack on Kane at Wrestlemania XV.

I've also been asked how I determine my posting days. The answer thus far is at random. In honor of Monday night being prime time for wrestling I'd like to announce that Monday will be a dedicated blog day here at Strong Style Hustle!

We know obviously that I have a love for redheads. That has little to do with this but I thought I'd mention in the event that any of you gorgeous gingers should be reading, single, and have an affinity towards men who look like Shrek. Now that we've gotten that out of the way let it be known that I also have a love for comic books! This could potentially be something that hinders the odds of attracting the elusive red-haired maiden that is the object of my Charlie Brown-esque unrequited petitions to the Universe.

 I'm a geek at heart and in deed so Wednesday will now be a regular blog day in honor of new issue day. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel! This is all working of course towards better scheduling and focus in my effort to get healthy. Somewhere amidst these chaotic ramblings will emerge order...

Join me outside of this blog for nutrition tracking at MyFitnessPal.com http://www.myfitnesspal.com/profmarvel, the app is FREE! Let's help work towards accountablity together!

I'm also a Fitocrat so join me at Fitocracy, user name ProfMarvel, to track workouts and earn points. The app is FREE and RAD!

Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!

JW
Day 3 A.D.

A Season To Dull And Fade

True Believers! One thing I tend to notice among those who are new to the undertaking of getting healthy and losing weight is PASSION! And I LOVE IT! When I began the quest there was a vigilance and determination that I never knew existed within me. To call my views towards the "walking dead" who blindly consumed mass quantities of garbage junk food and chased it down with pharmaceuticals were dogmatic would have been an understatement; there would be no sympathy for the weak of will, myself included.

The feelings of isolation, stagnation, and impossibility overwhelmed me at my heaviest unknown weight above 550. The possibilities of tearing down the walls I built seemed exhausted; I was trapped and waiting to die in my sleep with my hand trapped inside a bag of chips surrounded by empty pizza boxes. That was until I hit the bottom. My change of course came on suddenly. I'd deliberated for a bit on my spiral toward rock bottom and once I crashed my mind was made up to either climb out or die. I chose to climb; alone I fell and alone I would rise.

Some friends who once seemed so into getting fit dwindled away as fast as they appeared. It seemed that the flash of inspiration faded faster than the fire could grow. The promises of WE START MONDAY became as played as a pair of low cards at an amateur poker table; the hand that seemed to hold promise would end up folding before the finish of the flop. It became a little disheartening to say the least. Thankfully I've made a lot of new fitness friends online!

Motivation is extremely high in the beginning, at least it was for me. It was so high that it seemed as if I was inspired everywhere I went by the slightest thing. My new lease on life felt like a winning lottery ticket! I had seemingly endless energy and passion to spend freely as it was always coming back at least sevenfold. With no defined plan of action I simply just went. The momentum began to slow a few months ago as my weight loss progress waned.

And now I fear that the equal and opposite reaction are in the process of happening. I'm going to confess that I'm mentally tired. My willpower isn't as endless of a reservoir as I'd hoped. The demon donuts call and I answer. Instead of being propelled ever forward with the force of a comet I feel a bit more like a wrecking ball. The first big swing forward took out a lot of the house that Private Pyle built but now it seems to be heading toward a back swing.

Lake Erie's shores have been frozen for too long. The glum could be and probably is caused by the prolonged delay of the appearance of the sun and the swallow that Goethe immortalized in his work March. Lately, truer words are hard found to describe the way I feel. The only difference is that now I know I'm not alone in this fight. We are many in this struggle. The paths we take may differ, our distinct destinations may differ, but we are not alone. Our time to shine lies just over the horizon and the only way we will see it is if we keep moving ever forward one step beyond.

March by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

THE snow-flakes fall in showers,

The time is absent still,
When all Spring's beauteous flowers,
When all Spring's beauteous flowers

Our hearts with joy shall fill.

With lustre false and fleeting

The sun's bright rays are thrown;
The swallow's self is cheating:
The swallow's self is cheating,

And why? He comes alone!

Can I e'er feel delighted

Alone, though Spring is near?
Yet when we are united,
Yet when we are united,

The Summer will be here. 

The Fitness Bucket List

True Believers! Now that we've shared some gore about the injuries we stumble into on our path to fitness, I'd like to have some of your input. What are some things you have always wanted to do physically but can't due to a weight related condition?

During my recent BodPod test I expressed my dismay at my progress. My attitude was "people have done more with less." I was reminded by my brother-in-arms and videographer extraordinaire, Scott, that "more people have done less with more." I still struggle with breaking the unhealthy habit of comparing myself with others so a big THANK YOU to everyone in the testing room that gave me a pep talk.

As a goal oriented person I find myself adjusting and adding goals based upon progress. I had to adjust some drop goals based upon a lack of anticipated progress. If I've learned anything in this process it's that remaining open to change with a positive mental attitude (PMA) is paramount! Let's get into a PMA mindset and envision ourselves healthy, happy, and ready to decimate all obstacles in our path.

What I want you to do is play along. Let's envision ourselves in a healthier state. What would we do with our new bodies? Some time ago when I lost quite a bit of weight I marveled at my ability to finally do a somersault as an adult. It can be as small or grandiose as you want for this exercise. I'd like everyone to make a fitness bucket list! There is only ONE rule- we cannot include a goal body weight. Many of us have one in mind but this should be about a non-scale accomplishment as I'm currently fighting with my scale. And the sugar pushers that line every corner.

Here are my top 10 fitness bucket list goals!

1. Climb Mt. Fuji and see the sun rise. Look at this magnificent sight!

2. Complete a sprint triathlon before I'm 40. Only 2.5 years to get this one done!!!

3. Sky dive. Yes, I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.

4. Have a personal training session with Lou Ferrigno

5. Meet Jesse Stilwell, the man who helped inspire my quest.

6. Complete a Warrior Dash- signed up for August 11, 2013. This could get ugly! I'm also running for St. Jude's so by all means SPONSOR ME!

7. Be a guest on a Cut The Fat Podcast. This is my all-time favorite fat loss podcast. They have given me and countless others a wealth of information based in hard science. Others sell snake oil but Dr. Ray Hinish and Blythe Alberg help teach you how to shed your skin.

8. Rx as many WODs as possible. One would be nice...one time...

9. Complete a book chronicling my struggles and successes. "A Million Little Pieces...of Cake" could be a good title. Don't steal that.

10. Look good enough to impress that elusive little red-haired girl.

I have a feeling that 10 will be the most challenging. As I progress so will the list, I'll keep you all informed as I meet these goals and add to it! So there is my list, given the chance what would you like to accomplish? If the chance isn't given, what are you willing to do to make it happen? Enter your list in the comments!

Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!

JW

Putting Progress Before My "Manly" Pride

Hello True Believers! In the last blog I discussed my experience that nearly turned me into the sorest loser...if that is even possible. I really hate to lose. Did I mention that? The thought of a loss in anything angers me to no end. And yes, to a degree, I still on rare occasions drop a dollar on the lottery expecting to win. I'm highly competitive by nature and stubborn to boot. This combination at times can prove to be a dangerous mix when it comes to the world of injuries.

Having been raised by a strong and stubborn Mum makes me reluctant to gear this solely towards men. It's a stereotype that men in general avoid treatment for injury and illness. These traits transcend gender stereotypes. We've all heard "rub some dirt on it and walk it off" or similar statements but is this always sound advice? Is our pride really that helpful to our situation?

Pain was behind the impetus that made me change. An ER trip due to localized swelling among other things led me to believe I had a blood clot in my lower left leg. It was that trip that led to the discovery that I was over 550 lbs. I knew I had to change or die but how could I work through the pain I was in? When I ran out of excuses I found a way to move in the water and the transformation was underway.

During the initial months of pool movements I incorporated some weight resistance training. My range of motion was LIMITED to say the least but I was determined to improve. With the weights came delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS). Having briefly played baseball and football as kid I was able to identify DOMS and knew when to work through it. my confidence was high as my endorphin levels were on the rise!

With that confidence came the urge to re-live some former band glory days. When a long time friend's new band booked a show in town I decided to call the old (no offense gang!) band members to see if we wanted to reunite and open the show. We were all in favor so I booked the show. About a week and a half before the show something happened that had me fearing for my life- the symptoms of a blood clot returned worse than ever and I could barely walk!

Having no insurance I decided to bite the bullet and go to the ER. Knowing how serious the condition was I knew I couldn't afford to be too stubborn or proud to get help. For the first time in years I was at a point where I actually wanted to live and somewhat ENJOYED life! The visit yielded the diagnosis of deep vein thrombosis, a follow up with a specialist was scheduled. Dread overcame me and I feared the worst.

My first words to the specialist were "when can I go back to working out?" I was terrified that losing a wheel would lead to a major backslide in progress. After another sonogram it was discovered that not only was there NO blood clot but my circulation, blood pressure, and resting pulse seemed to be GOOD! There was however a diagnosis of chronic vein disease (CVD). The scars and spotting of pooled blood and a once weeping wound still remain but my skin was healing. As a result I now have to wear compression stockings every day which are roughly $80 a pair. The doctor saw my previous weight and congratulated me on my accomplishments, added that it was stasis dermatitis, and cleared me to return to the pool immediately! At the time of the concert I was still in pain but managed to pull of the set on my own two feet- after all, the show must go on.

The second injury came about on the leg press machine. As my range of motion and strength returned so did the inflammation of my ego. The machines at the gym were programmed to measure the range of each rep to ensure proper form. This of course was calculated with about 150 lbs. There is a phenomenon that happens when you change the sled from 150 lbs to the 415 lb max, it's called spinal compression. The added load changed the range just enough to make me miss my complete rep mark by a few centimeters. What good was maxing a machine if I couldn't have recorded proof?

Stupid macho me decided to shuffle the max weight at the end of the rep and hyper-extended my knees in lockout to hit the rep. At the bottom of the next rep I felt an INTENSE sharp pain and decided to stop and hit the showers. I was again mortified at the possibility of having to scale back. Having injured the same knee with a torn quad in high school the worst was feared. After a call to my friend and brother in iron, Ultimate Russell, I calmed down and decided to scale back and listen to my body. In under two weeks I was back to normal, and decided to not use the automated rep counter on that machine ever again.

The latest injury, pardon the pun, really chaffed my arse. About a week ago I was doing a WOD that included a lot of Abmat sit ups. These include placing a mat near the tailbone to help extension and form to maximize the outcome of the movement and help isolate the abs. Since the box is covered in gym mat flooring I just did my sit-ups on the floor. When I got home and hit the shower I shrieked in pain, my arse felt like it was on FIRE! I knew I'd chaffed it raw so I thoroughly dried the area and applied some antibiotic salve for good measure. I'm a tough guy and nobody needs to know that I'm a tender ass, right?

A few WODs later more Abmat sit ups came up. I asked my coach if there was a way to avoid repeating the error and he suggested using another pad for the movement. This seemed to burn less but there was still some fire down below! No big deal, I'm a tough guy and a little "diaper rash" ain't going to slow me down. At least that's what I thought until now.

I noticed a growing lump near the cleft of my butt check. Butt cheek...but cheek, are you done laughing at me now? lol. The next morning I noticed some blood in the back of my boxer briefs and decided that maybe I should inspect the area. The lump had grown, the area appeared bruised, swollen, and SORE! It was too high and outside to be a hemorrhoid. A pilonidal cyst perhaps?  Since I had not been out drinking the day before on St. Pat's and woke up in bed alone I knew that it had to be a case of CrossFit butt gone bad.

Google, Web MD, and Facebook friends openness helped me determine that I should go get it looked about sooner rather than later so I headed to the ER. Here's what was going through my mind along with the image of my purple swollen butt cheek- "Please don't let there be a cute nurse, please don't be a cute nurse..." Sure enough, cute physicians assistant. With a Ned Beatty like shame I dropped my jeans and spread 'em wide.What she saw apparently warranted a peek by two doctors, another PA, and a different cuter female nurse. Normally I'm all about the jokes but I just wanted to erase the image from all their minds. Now the scenario is in yours, my gift to my readers!

The doc said it was good that I came in when I did as the infection was spreading and readying to spread to deeper tissue levels. He was able to somewhat numb the area before lancing it. Let me tell you, the lancing didn't tickle! After about a half hour of laying prone and pants down while it drained I was ready to go home.  The final nurse, having drawn the short straw I presume, was sent in to pack the wound and discharge me. So I have to take a couple days off while things clear up. So what, I'm a tough guy. A real tender ass wouldn't have shared this trauma, would he? The only shame would be in quitting. If there is one thing I hate more than the loser it would be the quitter. Private Pyle is both and Private Pyle must die.

My suggestion to you all is to not allow your pride to impede your progress. Be proactive with your health. Symptoms ignored for the sake of hitting a number or proving how tough you are may come back to bite you in a rather uncomfortable place. Until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!

To help erase the images I tried to paint I've posted some cute puppy photos to enjoy courtesy of internet web searches. No credit claimed for the photos on my part.

JW

Reality Really Bites Part 2: The Biggest Loser

True Believers! In the last chapter of this two-part blog I chronicled my experience with ABC's Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. Now I'm going to give you the lowdown on my casting experience with NBC's Biggest Loser.

After saying goodbye to Chi-town I headed back across I-90 East to Cleveland. I had to call off with the "sniffles" in order to make the casting call on Saturday so there was no time to spare to enjoy the trip as the next day was a work day. There was a lot going through my mind all day, specifically how I could get another chance. Second chances rarely come in this life but one was about to happen thanks to the gym I was regularly frequenting.

As Monday came I made my usual trip to do a circuit and hit the pool for some water walking. At the check in counter I noticed a flyer advertising an appearance for former The Biggest Loser contestant, "Terry"! (I've changed his identity here for his privacy  Not only would I have a chance to meet him but his presentation was FREE to members! I was amped for the chance and awaited the appearance.

Terry's presentation was awesome. He is as genuine as it gets in his passion for helping people get healthy as anyone I've met. After the presentation we talked a bit and I shared with him my experience in Chicago. He gave me some encouraging words and we exchanged email addresses; his interest in power-lifting intrigued me and I hoped to possibly get some pointers on running when the time came for me to leave the pool an hit dry land.

A few months passed and we would bump into each other in passing coming and going in the gym. He always had a positive word to share about the differences he noticed in my appearance. These kind gestures went a long way as all I saw in the mirror is the beast that killed and ate the sensitive little boy once known as Jimmie. Despite my self image loathing I marshaled onward- without any type of plan other than eating better and continuing to move.

A couple months of obsessively checking for casting updates yielded the revelation that The Biggest Loser was coming to Cleveland! I immediately contacted my dear friend, Scott, to see if he would be so kind as to use his video editing skills to pull together a submission video from the documentary footage we were working on. Not only did he oblige, as he has undoubtedly been one of my greatest supporters throughout this, he knocked one out of the park!

We both researched as many casting videos as we could find and came to the conclusion that we were not impressed. In fact there were so many "very rough" entries that I was initially reluctant to go with a more thought out submission. I was wrong. In matters of passion I've always committed to going all in and this time I NEEDED TO GO ALL OUT! I'll post a follow up with a video link in a bit so you can all see but for now this tale needs to be finished. I've included a couple of pics so you can see how I looked then compared to now. These shots were given to the casting directors with my application.

After the edit was done I did the only thing I could think of, I emailed the private link to Terry. Knowing that he got quite a few of these types of things I hoped for the best. The last thing I wanted to do is bother the man with my attempt to get on the show. The Universe would oblige and two days later I got a text that would change my outlook on what I was doing.

As I was leaving the gym my phone rang. It was an old friend from the music scene. He expressed a concern for the health of a coworker who was and is battling his weight. His tone was somber; this is from a man who is usually disgustingly positive. I replied to the effect of "He has to want to help himself, how can I help him?" I simply added him on social media as I'd recognized him from the music scene. Perhaps him seeing the odds being overcome could help him? We'll go more into this later this blog.

While I was on this call a voice message went to my inbox.It was Terry informing me that he thought my video was good enough to send to the head casting director, Ashley!!! I immediately pulled over and called him back. After the call and a few tears of joy I had to notify Scott that his work was now in the hands of casting. The next day my phone rang, the area code was 310!

I just missed the call so I redialed. It indeed was Ashley. She said she was impressed with the video and wanted to send me a VIP casting pass! No waiting in the horrendously long line! Ahh! I could be fresh as a daisy for the July appearance. With this and my "CAN'T LOSE, MUST HAVE VICTORY" attitude I picked out a new shirt and prepared to be called up to the big leagues. A friend from high school who is now a journalist even did a story for a paper that circulates around my hometown! Everything seemed to be working for me!

The line was massive and I was fortunate to not have to sit in the sun. A couple of friends from my hometown were auditioning so I waited near the front of the line with them. Santa Roy was working the line and greeting fans and future hopefuls, it was definitely full of characters! We were inside the hotel in a matter of minutes.

Once in I decided to try and go in with my friends. We got a bit separated due to my pass but I was glad we were able to catch up in line. When the time came to enter I took a deep breath, straightened my posture and held my head high. Who was the first person I saw upon entering? IAN YOUNG! We'd met before as outlined in Part 1 of this story.

My exact words were "Remember me? I'm back, lighter than ever!" Since Chicago I managed to drop and additional 60 or so pounds. Being familiar with the format I took the first seat in the shoe. Ashley said she remembered me from my video! I AM VERY EXCITE! All things seemed to be going my way. How could I possibly strike out twice?

We were informed that call backs would be done by the next day. The line was so long that the casting team was there until 9pm! my deepest respect to them for seeing everyone that waited; I know their job had to be exhausting. Patiently I waited for two days and my phone never rang.

Then that familiar area code of 310 came up; Ashley was calling me back! Had Ian seen the error of his ways? I and my ego certainly hoped so. The team was impressed enough and wanted a private on camera interview. I was given the order that I was now under confidentiality and could not tell anyone nor mention it on any social media. If there is one thing I can do it's keep a secret. How else would a single vigilante errr...trusted pillar of the community get by without secrets? The time and address were given and I was more than ready!

My attitude changed and everyone close to me started remarking on how happy I seemed. You couldn't beat the smile off my face if you tried. I had the day planned: show up to interview, decimate,then rock out to Slayer and Anthrax later that evening with close friends. Two out of three ain't bad, right?

I showed up at the top secret downtown hotel location with seconds to spare. Per the instructions i was to wait in the lobby for a phone call. This was totally black ops in my mind, so much so that I even labeled the casting number "Oscar Goldman" in my file! It seemed like an eternity waiting in that lobby; I began to wonder if the staff thought I was up to something. I was of course up to something- becoming the next BIGGEST LOSER!

The phone rang, Ian instructed me to tell the people at the desk I was there to see the people in room ####. They would give me an elevator penthouse key and I would come up to meet them. Matrix stuff right there, true believers, this is how Hollywood operates.

For the next hour we had a great conversation about my history and how my weight affected me. I thought it went GREAT! I even cut my promo tagline introduction for the show. How could I LOSE? They told me they had plenty of footage thanks to my initial entry and the interview but gave me a homework assignment- they wanted another 10 minute video submitted in just under 48 hours! Fame doesn't come without sacrifice so I postponed my revelry with Slayer and got busy with Scott shooting the next video.

We made the deadline and I waited with baited breath for the call, plane tickets to Hollywood, and the chance to win the big bucks. My phone never rang. Needless to say this took some wind out of my sales and I began to question everything. Why wasn't I good enough? Should I change my routine? Where do I go from here? So many questions still remain.

What followed was a nearly three month plateau and a lot of self doubt, some of which I'm still shaking off. At first I was enraged, and to a degree I still am. My time will come and I will persist. To everyone that made it this season, cheers to you! I hope you can maintain the pace and your new direction towards health. There are still thousands of us here in the trenches just outside the lights of Hollywood gettin' after it. Sometimes we manage to move others and ourselves to new heights and sometimes we fall. In reflecting upon this situation I can openly say I'm glad I lost. This journey is stressful enough and having the pressure of living up to a standard that isn't based in reality is not a challenge I wish to take on. In the meantime I, like all true believers, will keep moving ever forward one step beyond.

JW