Missing: My Intensity

True Believers,

It took me a while to realize that the cause of my lack of progress in so many areas is due to my lack of belief in my own inner voice. Lately I've allowed that voice to be influenced by the comfort of past success.

Over the past six months I stopped listening to my inner Bobby Knight because frankly, compliments and praise are soothing to a false ego. Words became the new sugar.

This bled over into my nutrition. I stopped believing my situation and weight wasn't so bad. And while improvement was made, it still doesn't change the fact that my mass is unhealthy.

The new health habits that I embraced were shaken apart by a personal family tragedy and a financial setback. As the compliments soothed, so did unhealthy food.

The decision to advance out of debt by moving my business to the next level also limited funds, but the bottom line is that I quit on myself.

I started to believe that my goals and expectations in life were unrealistic. This extends to several other personal areas.
"Relax, be gentler about the process", "You can only do so much", "It won't hurt you to enjoy things a little". Bullshit. I call bullshit on that and the way I reacted.

My inner voice gave those demands for a reason -- I need to be pushed beyond my comfort levels! Complacency is a stagnate death. And lately I've been slowly dying.

Addicts are addicts because they cannot comprehend moderation. I am a sugar addict. The ban on donuts got replaced with multiple cupcake runs. Again, I am seeking comfort when what I need is strife.

My body changed because it was thrust into a position that was do or die. My mentality followed and so did progress.

My unfulfilled ego became sated with compliments and my desire faded. People always say that ego doesn't matter but I'm here to tell you it means everything.

When the ego is in check then all is well in my world-- all cylinders fire and compliment nor criticism mean anything more than the other. The harmony of the inner voice aligned with a clear vision of what must be done are the only thing you need.

This does not mean one should not seek wise council because you should absolutely seek wisdom from the masters.
When you become divided in your attention, the issue of clarity from within becomes suspect. The reason I got in this mess to begin with is because I failed to trust myself, and those who clearly saw through my own bullshit.

Due to personal resins I dropped my mantra of "Private Pyle must die". Now, along with my sorely missed inner fire, I'm picking it back up with a vengeance.

And I welcome, with humility, the challenge by any that said it couldn't be done, knowing that much of the work is done in quiet solitude without any ego stroke.

Private Pyle must die a swift death. And to the mythical red-haired girl -- you ain't as far out of my reach as everyone seems to think.

Plant the seeds, water and nurture them, but understand that growth is stress.

Get moving, ever forward, one step beyond.
JW