Always a Reverend, never a groom. This size 66 jacket became too small to button. I was waiting for the rain and my life to end.
As some of you know, I'm a wedding officiant here in Ohio. My ordainment goes back to 1996 and was issued through The Universal Life Church. The story about why I became ordained is reserved for face to face chat so I'll tell you about it if you ask...maybe. It wasn't until 2003 that I considered and began performing marriage services. This came about purely out of necessity to serve friends in need; a co-worker wanted to wed his long time partner and neither belonged to a church or wanted a courthouse ceremony. Can you blame them? Court is an awful, awful place. Did I mention that the fines, court costs, parking tickets, and lot fees to fight my last ticket totaled $476?
When you are fat and single fewer things are worse than getting a wedding invitation.Yes, this is true for us guys too. Everyone shows up wearing their best and their clothes actually fit. Couples hold each other a bit closer and some dream of their turn at walking down that aisle. Children, flowers, tears of joy, open bars, and CAKE! I guess weddings aren't that bad for fat loners, I mean free booze AND cake? Don't think me to be ungrateful for the invites, think of this more as a moment of honesty from a friend. Relationships are tough, marriage can be a lot of work, but single life in your thirties ain't no picnic.
You have to find something to wear, search through registries and buy a gift, and maybe even be forced into pictures -- good grief! The worst part is knowing you have the capacity to care and not being able to get a date that is concerned with anything beyond an open bar or showing mercy upon your miserable bloated soul. At least these are the thoughts that ran through my head and I'm sure I'm not alone on this, am I? I can't be the only person who has ever buckled a folding reception chair, can I?
Can you guess who is single in this photo?
As an officiant the roles were somewhat reversed. I don't have to buy a gift, I can wear the same suit, AND it's expected that I don't show up with a date! Did I mention FREE CAKE?! It would seem like a win-win situation. I even get a check, cash is preferred of course, to appear and provide the service. This isn't such a bad deal.
Over the years I'v been honored to perform weddings for some of my dearest friends. Sharing in their big days has provided me with some of my fondest memories. At the same time it's been an emotional process that has also been among the more painful experiences at times. Seeing all of your closest friends off into wedded bliss knowing that you are doomed to be alone due to your weight hurts. It got to the point that it hurt so much that I nearly stopped doing weddings all together a couple of years ago.
At my highest weight it was even painful to physically stand through a ceremony. I never want to feel that way again.
My feelings towards weddings have changed quite a bit since the transformation. It's slightly less painful to be seen in photographs since dropping 160 excess pounds. The feelings of hopelessness have lightened. If I had to pinpoint the ceremony that was a turning point it would be my dear friend and long time music collaborator's wedding this past October. She has taken up a healthier lifestyle herself and finally found the love of her life. This wedding in particular choked me up like no other -- for once I finally began to see the possibility of being in a state of mind to embrace the possibility of finding love!
Instead of looking at the outside of myself as I had done my whole life, I was able to see love within my being. I was finally taking care of my body and it showed. The outer appearance was now starting to resemble the love I'd shown myself by improving my health! The night became a celebration of life and love that I actually felt comfortable enjoying! Normally at a close friends wedding I would have been three sheets to the wind before the meal was served. This night was different; I was nearing my one year anniversary of becoming straight edge and I couldn't have been happier to NOT have alcohol! Did I mention I only had one piece of cake? Maybe two? It was two and they were spectacular! It was a beautiful evening in so many ways.
A recent connection via another friend and wedding professional has motivated me to pick up the practice again with a full head of steam. My passion for bringing people together has been rekindled! With a renewed outlook on life I look forward with to bringing couples from all walks of life together while taking up less space in the photos! And as a wedding guest the probability of wedding dates outside those with friends out of consolation or charity. Even though my bleak attitude towards relationships has lifted considerably I'm still convinced I'll remain single for quite some time. Perpetual bachelorhood isn't so bad when you are happy with who you are and I'm becoming happier both inside and out. Additionally, it would take one hell of a red-haired fireball for me to ever consider walking that aisle and standing on the other side of the altar. Did I ever mention I love a challenge?
If you or someone you know is in need of a wedding officiant in Ohio, please contact me! Thanks for reading! Please share with anyone you know who is battling with weight related or body image issues. And until next time keep moving ever forward one step beyond!
JW
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