It's been a while but I'm not the kind of guy to write just to hear my fingers peck on a keyboard. I do want to share with you yet ANOTHER casting experience I had with Biggest Loser last weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Three weeks ago my employer received a call from someone claiming to be the casting director for the Biggest Loser Cincinnati event. She asked if any of our customers or employees would be interested in attending. The offer was extended as a cross promotion and all she would need were email addresses and contact info. All of this seemed legit since the name matched and our demographic could benefit. Without hesitation I offered contact info for myself and a friend who encouraged me to attend despite my lack of success last season.
I immediately messaged my buddy to tell him we had passes to jump ahead of the line! Could the same stars that aligned last year be realigning to FINALLY get me the shot at $250,000? We were beginning to believe.
The week before my friend and I had a falling out about similarities between the content of our videos. Pedro, if you are reading this, I ain't mad Bro. hopefully the recounting of what went down will make you feel better about your decision to not attend.
I emailed the director asking for protocol to advance in the line. This person told me to "arrive at 3pm and my name would be on the list". Now I've been the man WITH the list before for much of my life in music so I took the word as good. Since I no longer had a partner to share gas and lodging expenses I opted to wait until the morning of the casting to travel so I could avoid a hotel bill. This is of course because I fully expected to have to stay over for a callback on Sunday. See, I still have that positive, borderline arrogant, spirit that I thought faded!
Great time was made on the drive; I even spotted a coyote standing along side the highway. In many native cultures the coyote represents the trickster. The thought made me chuckle. What could possibly go wrong? I had front of line privileges AGAIN, and an even better video story than last year! In it to win it.
I took one of my largest outfits and put it on over top my clothes in preparation for a big reveal during the expected two minutes of roundtable for these types of casting events. I had my speech promo mapped out in my head and i was ready to unload and show the world that it was my time!
"Hi, (insert casting director's name) has me on her list, I was told to arrive at 3pm"
"You aren't on the list"
What.the.frack. Here I am, holding up pants that are 20 sizes too big, wearing what looks like a giant red clown jacket, trying to pull the "surely you must be mistaken" card. He wasn't mistaken, I WASN'T ON THE LIST!
Having been the keeper of the list for more events than most will ever attend, I kept calm. I then produced the email and showed it to him. I told him that I was a callback last season and that I'd been through the process before. When I told him there is no reason in hell I'd show up at 3PM! without instruction to do so knowing how big the line would be that late in the day. He informed me that I wasn't the only one who was in the situation; there was a scam going around and there were others that got through earlier that shouldn't have passed.
I didn't give the man any guff, I merely held onto my clown pants and headed back to the end of a line that was 2,000 people deep at 3:15pm. He assured me he would check into it and come back for me. I've used that line before, I know the score...
Part of my trip included meeting up with an old roller derby friend and announcing partner to take in my first post-retirement from announcing duty bout. I was looking forward to enjoying the sport with my friend who also left the broadcast booth last year. From the end of a still growing line I sent a text informing him of the situation and that I would be trapped in line and couldn't make it. Oh, hello coyote, you were actually an omen this morning!
After the third pass to count the growing line, the gentleman with the list made good on his word. Not only did he check on me, he PULLED ME TO THE FRONT! Clearly he knew that all in Olympus had sent me there to save the fat portion of the human race, I mused as I struggled to walk the line and hold up my old size 66 khakis.
This was it! Go time. I'd even paced out my promo and had it right about the two minute mark.. I was informed once inside the Planet Fitness where the actually casting screenings were happening, that due to the amount of attendees we would only have 30 seconds. Huh? Really? 30 seconds? So much for my great promo. I mean, I can tell you how great I am but it'd take more than 30 seconds to scratch the surface of that greatness!
It went. That's about all I can say about that. They asked what our greatest challenge was outside of our weight was and I went OFF! My 30 seconds was some great heel promo about how it was ridiculous to consider that question because EVERYTHING challenging revolved around my weight. My time was brief but I let it loose on them and I feel great for doing it my way. I still think my villainous self would be more watchable than a bunch of crybabies any day. Apparently they haven't come around to that idea.
We were all thanked and dismissed with the instruction that callbacks would be made by 10pm. I did make the bout in time! The first half of a double header was enjoyed track side and I loved the experience of being just a fan! Of course I'm a fan of the sport but it was great to not have to work the call.After 7:30 my phone didn't leave my hand. by just after 8pm my phone was almost dead. There was no way I would possibly miss my callback so I said my fare wells and went to my truck to charge my phone. Of course I'd have to wait around til 10pm so I could get instructions for my callback, right? The Cincinnati Rollergirls always put on a great event so it made it even harder to split early. I stopped at the merchandise booth and picked up a shirt to support the league. This is something I LOVE doing now that I'm no longer too fat to be a fan!
Nope. 10:00 pm and the phone never rang.In search of satisfaction I decided to head to Terry's Turf Club and take in arguably the best burger the city had to offer, no bun of course. It was top of the line and if you are ever in Cincy, get there before midnight and enjoy!
All in all I got something I needed out of this trip on multiple levels. It was a minute out of town which I desperately needed. A solid vacation is still needed but we're still in financial limbo so that'll have to wait. What I needed most was my spark. The rough winter and everything else really took it out of me. When I hit that line and I saw so many people struggling with the same issues it made me really appreciate my progress. Then I saw some of them stepping out of line and shoving cigarettes into their over 400lb faces it made me realize that the boat I'm in ain't so bad. In comparison to the one they are in, mine seems like a yacht with a flag on the top that says "chillin' the most". Yes, I quoted Kid Rock. Why? Because he has one of the strongest work ethics in his business. And after seeing the defeat on the faces of those people in line, I realized just how strong my work ethic was and just how much I was neglecting it.
I'm back.
Hi, my name is J.W., I'm 37 soon to be 38 years old and I now weigh 392lbs. This is my wake up call. This will make sense once I post my casting video which will happen very soon. Until we meet again, keep moving forward one step beyond!
Yours in burgers without buns (and half the fries, I prefer tots),
J.W. aka the highlight of Monday night.
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