A Season To Dull And Fade

True Believers! One thing I tend to notice among those who are new to the undertaking of getting healthy and losing weight is PASSION! And I LOVE IT! When I began the quest there was a vigilance and determination that I never knew existed within me. To call my views towards the "walking dead" who blindly consumed mass quantities of garbage junk food and chased it down with pharmaceuticals were dogmatic would have been an understatement; there would be no sympathy for the weak of will, myself included.

The feelings of isolation, stagnation, and impossibility overwhelmed me at my heaviest unknown weight above 550. The possibilities of tearing down the walls I built seemed exhausted; I was trapped and waiting to die in my sleep with my hand trapped inside a bag of chips surrounded by empty pizza boxes. That was until I hit the bottom. My change of course came on suddenly. I'd deliberated for a bit on my spiral toward rock bottom and once I crashed my mind was made up to either climb out or die. I chose to climb; alone I fell and alone I would rise.

Some friends who once seemed so into getting fit dwindled away as fast as they appeared. It seemed that the flash of inspiration faded faster than the fire could grow. The promises of WE START MONDAY became as played as a pair of low cards at an amateur poker table; the hand that seemed to hold promise would end up folding before the finish of the flop. It became a little disheartening to say the least. Thankfully I've made a lot of new fitness friends online!

Motivation is extremely high in the beginning, at least it was for me. It was so high that it seemed as if I was inspired everywhere I went by the slightest thing. My new lease on life felt like a winning lottery ticket! I had seemingly endless energy and passion to spend freely as it was always coming back at least sevenfold. With no defined plan of action I simply just went. The momentum began to slow a few months ago as my weight loss progress waned.

And now I fear that the equal and opposite reaction are in the process of happening. I'm going to confess that I'm mentally tired. My willpower isn't as endless of a reservoir as I'd hoped. The demon donuts call and I answer. Instead of being propelled ever forward with the force of a comet I feel a bit more like a wrecking ball. The first big swing forward took out a lot of the house that Private Pyle built but now it seems to be heading toward a back swing.

Lake Erie's shores have been frozen for too long. The glum could be and probably is caused by the prolonged delay of the appearance of the sun and the swallow that Goethe immortalized in his work March. Lately, truer words are hard found to describe the way I feel. The only difference is that now I know I'm not alone in this fight. We are many in this struggle. The paths we take may differ, our distinct destinations may differ, but we are not alone. Our time to shine lies just over the horizon and the only way we will see it is if we keep moving ever forward one step beyond.

March by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

THE snow-flakes fall in showers,

The time is absent still,
When all Spring's beauteous flowers,
When all Spring's beauteous flowers

Our hearts with joy shall fill.

With lustre false and fleeting

The sun's bright rays are thrown;
The swallow's self is cheating:
The swallow's self is cheating,

And why? He comes alone!

Can I e'er feel delighted

Alone, though Spring is near?
Yet when we are united,
Yet when we are united,

The Summer will be here.